2008-07-28 - 12:22 a.m. - i am derricks non-bucket list...
I had quite a few things I've been meaning to accomplish after graduation.
It's been more than a month after and I've done little if anything to move
myself towards those goals. In my last entry I've mentioned putting together a
list, similar to a "bucket list", which is a list of things to accomplish before
one dies or proverbially speaking "kicks the bucket". It could be something
relatively simple like going bungee jumping or getting a tattoo, or it could be
something a bit more lofty like traveling the world, starting a cover band and
scoring a regular gig or writing a novel. It could basically be anything, but
typically it would be something you have always wanted or dreamed of doing or
trying but haven't or couldn't for various reasons. So you make your list and
you give yourself the span of your lifetime to accomplish it.
Although the whole idea reeks of "midlife crisis" drama, the thought behind it
does have merit, especially for a deceptively youthful looking guy named
Derrick. Yes, he partially revels in his new found freedom and lack of
responsibility since he completed his master's degree, but he has a growing
concern that without positive and clearly defined goals, his life could easily
slip into stagnation sending him into a midlife despair that no hot red sports
car nor hot tween trophy wife redhead coupled with a stiffening dose of blue
viagra pills could ever fix.
The obvious time to facilitate change is now, while I still have a thick, full
and largely non-gray head of hair, a baby face, an exercise-reduceable beer gut
and the ability to attract female attention with a modicum of effort. I know
looks aren't everything, but with a guy who is as quiet as I am, every little
bit helps.
So instead of dreaming of nearly impossible to orchestrate goals like "finding a
soul mate" and adding some unfathomable deadline like "before I die" however, I
thought I'd make a few lists with more recent deadlines and with goals that I
may be struggling with, but are not all that impossible to achieve. I started
out with a "Things to do before I'm 40 list". Actually that list is a too large
a bite for me to chew now. Not to say that I'm not getting there, I'm going to
be fucking 37 in October and I do use the word "fucking" in the figurative
sense, but even 3 years can seem like an eternity to someone seeking immediate
redirection and change. So I came up with a "Things to do before my next
birthday list". That list was slightly more palatable, but still, that's a good
3 months away.
I needed something sooner, something that would help me shake off the cobwebs
and give my life a bit of a jump start. So finally I came up with "Things to do
before the end of the summer list." I chose the Labor Day holiday in the US
which is regarded as the unofficial end of summer over the autumnal equinox,
simply because it arrives sooner. So there it was, as close to perfection as I
could ever get it. So without further ado, here's the list:
Things For Me To Do Before Labor Day, The Unofficial End Of Summer
Find the time to smoke a cigar
Get a new passport
Eat a banana split
Update my resume
Apply/Request for a new or different position within my company
Find the nearest Bally's and work out there at least once
- Clean my apartment
- Go to the beach
- Finish Grand Theft Auto IV
- Take an architectural boat tour on the Chicago River
- Go to the Art Institute after work
- Visit Ray's grave
- Workout in the gym at least 3 times a week
- Start asking for phone numbers again regardless of fear of rejection
- Start asking girls out on dates regardless of fear of rejection
- Go on at least one date
- Try to make a second and third date with same girl
- Kiss a girl regardless of inebriation
- Kiss a girl romantically while sober
- Sing at a karaoke bar
- Get a sketch pad and start drawing again
As you can see, I've accomplished a few things on this list already. I should
probably elaborate on some of the items on this list. Quite a few of these,
indirectly at least, relates to the pursuit of a girlfriend, something I
mentioned a few entries back, but as a goal for this summer, my job is to just
get out there and try to obliterate this ridiculously long-standing rut I've
allowed myself to fall into. I figure just getting to know more females and
convincing at least one of them that I'm a cool enough guy to go out on a date
with and maybe have a bit of fun is a solid enough challenge for me at this
point.
Attraction is a very weird thing, there are of course things you can do like
maintain your appearance to enhance your chances at attraction, but at the most
fundamental level there is either chemistry or there isn't. The going to the gym
part of my list is obviously to help improve my appearance. I remember a time
when I didn't even have to try and I'd pull the attention of random an cute
chicks simply because I had a chiseled face and an unexpanded waistline. It was
definitely of great help to a guy like me who is naturally quiet. Now I have to
do things like get a girl's attention and be witty and charming and give out
that killer smile, I definitely had to step out of my shell a bit, but I
consider that a good thing. Alcohol does help, my screen name isn't liquid-mojo
for nothing, but I think start relying less on fear-dampening liquor buzz and
try to naturally bring out the part of me that makes me cool when next to a girl
I'm attracted to. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have the total package, looks,
body, charm, wit etc. so exercise and ultimately the resulting weight loss and
muscle gain is a definite part of the ultimate game plan.
Speaking of liquor if you notice I have two separate goals regarding kissing,
one while sober and the other, is pretty much whatever I can get. Obviously I
have a long standing slump that simply needs to be broken, so kissing while
drunk or sober doesn't really matter. I know there are girls out there simply
looking for fun for that moment, and being buzzed off of liquor gives them a
modicum of plausible deniability, but for me having drunken fun (there's nothing
wrong with a little of that) and seeking something a bit more serious are two
separate and not necessarily convergent goals. I'm sure there's more to
elaborate on but I really need to get to sleep, so until next time...