[this is my life, and it's ending one entry at a time...]


2009-07-19 - 10:30 a.m. - i had a feeling, that last night was gonna be a good night...

I spent some time with old friends, had some dinner and went to a night club afterwards for some drinks and dancing. Last night was indeed a good night, aside from one small, slightly disturbing new trend. After a certain level of inebriation, the married women in the group, two separate women, on two separate occasions started mauling me on the dance floor. Don't get me wrong, normally I do like the female attention, but this was in front of their husbands. It was like walking a tight-rope, really all I could do was try to maintain a gentleman-like distance while at the same time not try to reject their "invasion of my personal dancing space" outright.

I know I'm cool with the guys, I've known them since forever and I think they trust me not to go any further with the dance-floor happenings that transpired last night, but I can't help but wonder if the words "WTF?" flashed in their heads, even for just a moment, because I know the same words flashed through my head. I'm trying not to over-analyze the situation, but I can't help it, it's what my cerebral cortex likes to do, even in this hungover morning. I can't help but wonder why single women don't find me as attractive. I mean is there some weird switch that is triggered by a combination of marriage and liquor that suddenly makes me sexy? Is it because I'm somehow perceived as the opposite of the husband type? I don't know, maybe. The older I get, the further I feel like I'm sinking into the role of confirmed bachelorhood.

The truth of the matter is, despite the occasional weekend nightclub outings and drunken binges, my life is more like that of a monk who took a vow of chastity than it is of the "bad boy rockstar" light that people seem to see me in. I guess that's the Scorpio part of me, purposely obscures that fact from those around me. But whatever. There is still that long-standing and ongoing question of "why is derrick still single?". I think the answer to that is simple, I'm a fucking complicated guy. Despite every effort to bring simplicity into my life, in my ever-fruitless search for a partner I crave complexity in a female but I think I also shun it. My mind is in a constant tug-of-war where there is no winner.

Maybe it's just me being fucking lazy, I mean really I just want to just be my own fucking self, without needing to change anything that make me, well... "me" and I want the fucking universe to drop the appropriate female onto my lap. You know, one that that is attractive, equally as complex as me and likes to have sex with me a lot (hey I have some catching up to do...) and I'm left wondering why this hasn't happened to me yesterday if not sooner. Fuck the universe for taking so long to produce that for me... =p

Anyway, that's all the rambling I have for today, until next time I guess...


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