I rang my dad on his cell and greeted him for Father's Day. He's on the way back home from Chicago to St.Louis. He stopped by to work on his condo to prepare it for rental but he had to leave this morning because he has an early-morning appointment tomorrow. We saw each other last Thursday, went to the health club and had dinner at the Olive Garden.

I guess you could say my dad and I have this weird relationship. Aside from our physical appearance (we look as if we can pass for brothers) him and I couldn't be more different. We think differently, we talk differently, we have different attitudes about things, we have different motivations in life. I remember him picking me up every weekend religiously as a child for his visitation rights, but we hardly ever do anything together. There was the occasional museum visits and riding our bikes along the lake was always cool, but make no doubt about it, my dad was tight with his money. Forget about doing cool stuff like watching the movies or going to theme parks. It was mostly I either watching TV in his stuffy apartment or going out and playing with the kids in the courtyard of his apartment complex. It was OK though I kept myself entertained.

Things started taking a turn for the sour when he got the idea in his head that he could save alot of money on child support if he stepped up and took the reigns as the primary parent. Every weekend turned into a campaign of how life would be so good if I moved in with him. I can stay with him and be a "strong person" a.k.a. "Mr. Athletic Jock" just like he is. I was just a kid, I didn't have the heart to be honest and tell him that I had no interest in neither in his way of life nor leaving the grandparents who were taking care of me at the time and whom I loved. So I just nodded my head whenever he went into his monologue.

To be fair I guess it didn't help matters when my mom was tried and succeeded to get an increase in child support from my dad and left me with my grandparents to take care of me. She hit him where it hurts, straight in the pocketbook. Unfortunately I was caught in the middle of that unholy war. At one point my dad was bitter, angry and paranoid that everyone was out to screw him and that I was being brainwashed. I remember at one point the whole custody court case fell apart and he pleaded with me to take joint custody instead of complete custody where I would alternate a week with him and a week with my grandparents.

I was a little be older then so I actually considered what he was saying but then one time he just completely lost his cool. I don't remember the exact reason I think it was because sensed how much I disregarded him and he got so enraged with me. He punched me on the side of my head so hard that my ear was ringing. Then he walked away. I remember standing there in complete shock, nobody ever attacked me like that before and I certainly never expected it from my own father. Then he came back and punched me in the face and walked away again I was still in shock and I was fucking scared but I wasn't crying. I figured if I just shut up and stayed quiet it would all just blow over. It didn't. He came back and punched me in the nose and I started bleeding. It was then I began crying at the sight of my own blood and in fear that this was not just going to blow over. He hit me again and again, he started doing the boxers dance, he wanted me to "be a man" and hit him back. I thought about it but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I began sobbing more deeply thinking why doesn't he stop, I'm already broken and bleeding profusely, why doesn't he just stop?

I think the sight of me breaking down like that emotionally eventually softened him to the point where he came to his senses. He started breaking down into tears too and he was hugging and apologizing to me. That was the first and last time he ever laid hands on me. Since then we never talked about that day to each other. I never talked about that day to anybody, trying to pretend it never happened as if that day was some anomaly in my life, I guess in a way it was, and eventually we fell back into our weekend routine.

Then I turned 13 and became a teenager. I tried out for the wrestling team one weekend but I didn't tell him about it. I'm not sure what happened but he thought I disrespected him by not going with him for the weekend. He just called me up all angry saying something like if you don't want to see me then fine I'm never going to call you again. He didn't give me a chance to explain that I was trying out for the wrestling team, I was doing it partially for him, I mean he wanted me to be the athletic type. I thought he would cool off and call me again, but he didn't at all. So all throughout high school we never spoke to one another. I didn't really care, it was cool having my weekends free to do my teenage stuff. It wasn't until my graduation that I talked to him again inviting him to my ceremony, and even after that we stopped talking. I saw him again at my cousin's wedding on my dad's side, he met my girlfriend for the first time and we were civil to each other, but still we didn't really talk to each other after that.

It wasn't until later in life that I had a breakthrough, in part due to a forum seminar I was attending. In this seminar they encouraged the group to let go of the past, so I did and I called him late that night. Just in time too it seems as he was preparing to move to St. Louis for work in a few weeks. I would have lost track of him if I didn't catch him around that time. I told him that I loved him and I told him I was sorry we drifted so far apart. It was then our relationship was restored. I put the past behind me. To this day he still gives me advice like I was 13, even if I feel I have surpassed him in personal evolution by leaps and bounds. But that's OK I have accepted him for who he is and I understand him as a person. He is my Father and I love him.