I would first like to make an apology to the people I normally chat with on AIM. I'm sorry if I haven't been available online lately. I'm not sure if I could come up with a resonable explaination other than I just don't feel much like just logging in and chatting. I don't know, I guess I just feel like I'm in this huge slump, one that is difficult for me to come out of. With the way I am feeling right now, I don't think I can be a very good friend to anyone. I can't be the same guy that was always there to listen to whomever has a problem and give friendly advice or just be there in spirit for that other person. I don't know I think part of the problem is with me.

I think it would be so nice to have a shoulder to lean on but at the same time I would feel so guilty for even thinking of laying the burden of my pain upon anyone else. I feel like I'm sinking and I really don't want to risk dragging anyone down into the depths with me. I don't know what to do, so I just shrink back into my darkness and hope the pain would just go away. Even this diary, the one place that is easiest for me to confide my emotions to, isn't helping much anymore. I feel the need to hold back even from here and it makes me feel sick inside. I may need to start a new diary, one that nobody knows about where I can relaease all my dark energies; anger, fear, hatred, lust, pain, agression without fear of repercussion...