[this is my life, and it's ending one entry at a time...]


2010-08-30 - 8:10 p.m. - i am derricks mindgasm...

Yes, I know itís been a long time, almost too long since my last entry. I guess itís time to resurrect this dead blog. I was planning to update earlier, much closer to my last entry but since I didn't, I guess I have a bit of catching up to do life-story wise. Iíll try to give you the abridged version so you donít lapse into boredom induced a coma...

It was a year ago earlier to be exact when I had a run in with the ďdrop dead gorgeous girlĒ, almost a half a dozen years later since we have last spoken to each other. Since the time we have actually ďdatedĒ each other, she has been married, had two children and went through a separation and later divorce. Itís weird, I kind of thought that the whole marriage and child rearing thing would affect her looks. Well I guess it did in a way, but if anything she was just as attractive, if not more so, than the time we were ďseeingĒ each other. Maybe she isnít quite as youthful or slender, but the curves were in all the right places and she was definitely more of a woman than a girl and I do mean that in a good way.

Iíll leave out all of the boring details and skip to the part where we kissed and made out. I liked it, a lot. Her lips felt the same way it did back then when we first kissed. If there was anything that went perfectly between us, it was our chemistry, it was almost as if the one perfect place for my lips was on hers. I could feel the tingle in my fingertips as my hands touched her skin. It's that exact feeling that I've been chasing and failing to catch for most of my adult life and there it was held in my embrace for one brief, yet perfect moment in time.

Maybe Iím wrong, I mean Iím wrong about a lot of things in life and maybe itís just me being the foolish and hopeless romantic, but I got to tell you, it fucking felt right and of course, the feelings I once had for her came rushing back. I tried to make it work between us, I really did but the time and the distance between us were not very favorable for us. Although I canít really fault her for this because she was and is, after all being a good mother to her children, the fact that she was a single, working mother and practically the sole caretaker of her children, it didnít leave time in her schedule and room in her heart for much else.

The funny part is that I donít think I was anything more than a diversion to her, even back when we were seeing each other before the whole marriage and children thing. In retrospect, I think I was just her fucking rebound. After she had her fun with me she gets back with the guy she broke up with, winds up marrying him and having his children and, get this, after the divorce she contacts me again out of the fucking blue. Yes, this shit actually happens, flying through its course like a precision guided missile landing directly on me with a level of frightening accuracy that makes even the most casual observer go ďWTF?Ē

But really, I donít think itís as much her as it is me. I mean donít get me wrong, she is beautiful and I think that kind of beauty, in general, makes men think and do stupid things and really, Iím no exception to that rule. I want a woman that ďswaysĒ me, but as long as Iím focused simply on physical beauty this kind of thing is bound to happen again. I donít think I can go on ďchemistryĒ alone.

Ideally, I want someone on my wavelength, but then again my brain is hung like a horse. I donít even know if there are people that are on my wavelength who even exist, at least on this planet. Maybe Iím exaggerating a bit, but the intelligent conversations for me at least are few and far between, kind of like my sex life. I mean really, whatís a guy like me to do? I mean is there an intellectual equivalent to masturbation? I donít know, I guess thatís what writing this blog is for, you know, to spank the intellectual monkey, figuratively speaking of course. BAD MONKEY! VERY BAD!!! *spank-spank-SPANK!!!* Please pardon the mind splooge, Iíll have the janitor come and mop that up later. Meanwhile, please watch your step. =p

And maybe, just maybe thereís a female entity that lies somewhere in between the range of ďdrop dead gorgeousĒ and ďintellectually well endowed" that also happens to be somewhere in my zip code. Who knows? Anyway, thatís enough about the past. With that out of the way I can "ejaculate" stuff about more ďpresentĒ events in my next entry, so until next time...


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