I have a love-hate thing going on with one of my favorite actors Brad Pitt. First he goes out and does sappy bitch movies like Legends of the Fall, that make me want to choke on my own vomit. Then he comes out in one of the best movies ever made like Fight Club and I have no choice but to bump his status to one of the best actors of my generation. He's an actor that takes risks though and ultimately the good movies where his characters go in defiance against his "pretty boy" image tend to outnumber the sappy ones. There's Meet Joe Black, Snatch, 12 monkeys, Se7en, Interview with the Vampire, Spy Game, Oceans 11 and Oceans 12 and of course one of my all-time favorites, Fight Club.

So OK, he's a pretty good actor. He also seems to do pretty well with the ladies. He's been serious with Gwyneth Paltrow, one of my favorite actresses, until she decided to name her child "Apple" that is. Still, aside from the quirky Hollywood child naming fiasco, I still think she's one of the sexiest women out there.  Score one for Brad. Then there's Jennifer Aniston. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was in love, in lust even, with her during the first and second season of Friends, back when she had that "Jennifer Anniston" hairdo. Then Brad Pitt comes along and makes her swoon like a schoolgirl. Being one of the sexiest men alive has it's advantages I suppose.

But then they had a falling out supposedly because Pitt wanted offspring and Anniston wanted to focus on her career. Score one for Team Anniston. I don't think there are too many females on this planet that don't want to bear a dozen of Pitt's babies (or at the very least participate in the act of trying to procreate said offspring) so I'm impressed with Anniston's willpower vs. Brad's sexiness and her ability to stick to her guns on this issue.
 
But then Pitt does a movie with Angelina Jolie, arguably one of the sexiest women alive (more on that later). Pitt and Jolie have sizzling on-screen chemistry in their movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which turns into sizzling off-screen chemistry. Hey what did you expect putting one of the sexiest males on the planet in the same room with one of the sexiest females on the planet? The sexiness doesn't exactly cancel out now does it?  Pitt leaves Anniston in a crying mess to fornicate with Jolie. Females who are sympathetic to being dumped print and wear "Team Anniston" T-Shirts in support of their fallen sister at heart.  And Brad, in my mind at least, becomes the biggest stud on the planet leaving hot women behind for subsequently hotter women seemingly at his whim.

Although Jolie is arguably the sexiest woman alive, she does have her quirks. Take the estrangement between her and her father Jon Voight, what the hell is that all about? And all that mouth kissing with her brother, that's just some fucking weird shit. And that whole phase with Billy Bob Thornton and that vial of blood around her neck that girl Jolie, she's just a whole rollercoaster ride of fucking weirdness. Collagen induced or not, I don't care how pillowy and puffingly sexy those lips are, I can't ignore the fact that this is one strange girl.

She does get extra points for her humanitarian work in Africa and for adopting economically disadvantaged children and regarding them as her own. But then Pitt somehow gets whipped along the way and turns from the sexiest man alive into, Jolie's personal valet, male nanny and cabana boy. Every paparazzo shot of the "Bradgelina" coupling is basically of Brad carrying Angelina's baggage, Maddox and/or Zahara in tow and, at first at least they were neither his kids nor his baggage. *whoop-pish*

Bradford reclaimed some of his manhood by eventually co-adopting Maddox and Zahara as his own, and later impregnating Angie with his very own man-juice producing the sure-to-be-goddess-like Shiloh and thus elevating his status from valet/nanny/cabana boy to that of a father. Good job Brad, you had me scared there for a second, afraid that you may be reverting into some whipped version of Tristan or something.

Still, even if Pitt's status has recovered from "whipped cabana bitch" to "proud dad", it's still nowhere near the badass, godlike status of his "Tyler Derden" persona. He always seemed to be under the skirt of Jolie, since the "Bradgelina" entity merged. But then he blindsided me with this ingenious stance to dodge the whole marriage bullet. According to the following MSN article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14736911/ the article quoted Brad in saying: "Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able�"

So now instead of some dude who's afraid to commit like most every other single guy and even guys that are dating steadily but are reluctant to "tie the knot", Pitt has spun this whole thing into a social activism stance. If that isn't fucking genius I don't know what is. I'm so inspired by this selfless gesture that I'm going to hop on that motherfucking bandwagon and declare that I, derrick refuse to ever marry again, even if it's to tie the knot with a hottie that has the sexiness factor of Angelina, until every man, woman child and animal is able to legally be married because how can I possibly obtain a marriage license when there are unmarried "life partner" couples out there suffering eternal singledom? It is yet another cross for me to bear and I do so willingly for my peoples.  Now I know that there are a lot of women who are disappointed by this news, but a man has to stand by his ideals or he isn't a man at all.  Oh, and Brad, you are once again "The Man".

P.S. In case you have access to my mysapce blog, sorry for the repetition, but I just HAD to post it again. =p