It's ridiculously easy actually, just put up one of these emoticons :) and tap into my ever-flowing wit. I'm glad I still have a sense of humor, it makes the bitter things in life less bitter and helps keep my mind off the more painful things in life like my lonliness. Anyway I caught her on IM again, it seems that she is uncomfortable atop the "pedestal" that I always seem to place her on. I'm not quite sure what to do with this notion, I've been eyeing through my past entries and she does seem to be a constatly recurring theme. Come to think of it, the idea to start this diary came from reading her diary. I even went so far as to proclaim to her that she is my muse in which she retorted "diaries don't have muses".

There are a few things I could do at this point, I could simply stop writing about her, but at this point it would be a lie because she always recurs in my thoughts and I do not want to taint the purest of my confidants, my diary by being deceptive to myself or excluding how I think or feel. What I can do is to try and at least open myself to different, newer and perhaps more fruitful possibilities. I have to continue telling myself that being with her at least at this moment is an impossibility, an increasing impossibility at that and keep telling myself that until I finally believe it and accept it in my heart or if the situation changes and I can finally allow myself to believe the opposite which is again the least likely possibility in my mind and ironically the most painful one in my heart. Anyway I have to get ready, going to an engagement party then Tequila Roadhouse to indulge in some artificial happiness a.k.a. liquor. ;) I think I'll be OK, I just need to put up one of these :) in real life of course...