I think I just got in way over my head. My level of frustration is mounting severely and I'm not sure what to do at this point. My sleep disorders are still present, I am continuing to stay up late at night doing basically nothing while waking up late in the morning and I still feel like doing nothing. I think I need to change my routine. I feel totally enslaved to my situation. I'm not sure where all this is coming from but I feel the need to empty my mind so I am going to pour my soul out yet again to this diary.

One major point of frustration is my Advanced Server Side Programming class. The teacher is disorganized, he sets no solid deadlines, he's late in grading the assignments and his teaching style is very generalized. He give a few vague examples and he expects the students to innovate in the assignments.

Of course the main problem is not the teacher but how I have let myself slip so far behind. It started with me trying to build something so complex that it's impossible for me to wrap my head around it enough to get it to work, so I let it sit in the backburner hoping inspiration will pop up, but I don't think that's ever going to happen at least this quarter.

I think I just need to sit down and do it. I'll set the alarm early tomorrow morning haul my ass to the library and just gung-ho it. It's the only way. I'll probably have to do the exact same thing Friday and Saturday. The master plan is to get everything caught up by this weekend. It's the only way I can survive this quarter. I need to pass that class with at least a C or even better a B and right now I'm pulling an F performance. I need to turn that shit around now especially since I'll be starting my internship this Monday.

Another major downer is my mom. She was the first person I called when I landed the internship and the only thing she was concerned with was what the liability was in terms of cost of tuition. Never mind that I need this internship for work experience and as a requirement to graduate. She was ready to berate me if this was going to cost her any extra money. Seriously, sometimes I just don't understand her. I mean where is the love?

Back when I was working and she wasn't I gave her my entire paycheck. From there she made sure my bills were paid and she took $500 per month for her own expenses. She could have taken it all, that is how much I didn't care about money because I was helping my family. Ugh, ok I don't want this to be about money. For some reason that shit always leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

So anyway I am planning to split the last 4 courses to 2 in the Summer Quarter and 2 in the Fall Quarter which will be more or less equivalent in cost to one full-time quarter. For some reason my University considers 3 courses full-time and charges accordingly. Economically speaking, you are better off taking 4 classes instead of 3 because you are paying the same price. But anyway enough with the fucking boring details.

Why couldn't she just be happy for me and worry about the cost some other time? Trying to get even get an interview was a fucking pain in the ass, let alone landing a position. Competition is fierce, most every student is looking for a summer internship and I got one right in my field. This is why I don't want to depend on anyone financially or otherwise. There is way too much potential for disappointment. *sigh*

OK, I'm not going to worry about her right now. I'm in the right place at the right time in my life and I'm not going to allow anything to derail my momentum towards graduation. I don't need praise, I don't need appreciation, I don't need a pat on the back. I just need to get all of this over and done with so I can move onto the next few steps of my life.

UPDATES - Added new pictures to my portfolio and fixed the older ones with bad image links. I also made some minor revisions to my ethnicity page.