Well, not really the end of this diary, per se, but my gold membership to d-land is going to go belly-up soon and you will most likely see a whole bunch of broken images and the like. I thought about renewing my membership, then it occurred to me, I don't have any fucking money so if my diary looks a bit fucked up for a while I do apologize.

Although I totally love her to death, my mom is also totally getting on my fucking nerves about everything. I casually mentioned my interest in going into graduate school and using it as a fallback option in case I'm not able to land a job right away. She went ballistic on me saying that I should not even think about taking more school until I find a job. I can respect the fact that she's considering the financial side of things, but I don't think she realizes how much she pisses all over my dreams.

All I've been hearing from her lately is what I fucking can't do and it's really, really getting to me. After I graduate and I find a job, I think a clean break from my mom is in order. I can't take her poison anymore, it's weighing heavily on my soul and I think the burden of me being around is doing the same to her. I don't quite know how to work all of this out, but I'm sure I'll figure out something.

Anyway, I'll be leaving for Canada this weekend with my dad. I totally need the break. I don't think my cell will be working north of the boarder, but I'm planning to haul my sister's laptop with me in case I'm able to score a net connection. Aside from all that, an interesting development will be taking place, Liz will be moving to Chicago to attend law school. Although we've known each other online for a really long time and it was through her I found out about diaryland, this would actually be the first time she is going to be close enough for us to actually meet.

As for my ex, she gave me a brief recap of her wedding recently. Things more or less went OK with a few minor snags along the way. In a way it seems she has given up quite a bit to be in her current marriage, she left Chicago where the majority of her friends and family resides in exchange to be in a relationship with a financially stable guy who can provide the house and car etc. Time will tell how things will work out ultimately, but I do hope things will work out for the best.

On top of all that, I have a whole bunch of shit to do. I have to try and move all my stuff from my mom's apartment to a room in the basement apartment. It's amazing how much junk you accumulate in a place you don't really live in. I also have to get a whole bunch of laundry done so I can pack for the trip and I have to try to do this on top of taking care of grandpa. It's amazing how life can shift from doing absolutely nothing to everything falling on top of you all at once.

I tried to get some of it done last night, but I was partially distracted by a friend in need. She was in quite an emotional state about all the things going on in her life and I seem to have been a partial cause it. I tried my best to console her, but I wound up inciting her even more. I'm not sure if there was any better way I could have handled it. There probably was because I sort of tactlessly asked if she had been drinking.

I know it's not the most sensitive thing for me to say, but I had to make sure because 99% of the time that my mom flies of the handle with me is when she has a drink in her hand. Anyway when she told me she wasn't drinking, I kind of felt guilty for asking the question in the first place, so I'm really sorry. Anyway, after that whole conversation I felt totally drained and just fell asleep. When it rains it pours I guess.

My friend f-v helped me out a little. She noticed how down I was feeling from my voice and though I didn't really want to talk about any of it she persisted and extracted the morbid details of my depression out of me. She even got me to take a shot over the phone with her. That kind of relaxed me a little. I was supposed to call her later that night, but I kind of got sidetracked. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I really appreciated the gesture. It's been a while since anyone has done something like that for me. Actually nobody has been as empathetic towards me like that since Ray passed away. I can honestly say that I'm touched.

Anyway I think that's all. 2 more days to vacation and I can't fucking wait...