That somewhat strange, bald, Hare-Krishna/Mahatma Gandhi looking yet surprisingly intelligent talking kid from the original Matrix movie only had it partially right. He was saying "There is no spoon..." when, in actuality there is no fork. I'm sure there's a little voice in your head asking "What the fuck is Derrick talking about?" Well, to the little voice, I'm glad you asked.

I've been ordering salads at Wendy's for the past few days, either a full salad or a chicken sandwich with a side salad instead of fries. This is all part of an effort for me to eat healthier and to ultimately lose weight. For a fast food joint, the salads there are surprisingly tasty with my favorite being the Mandarin Orange Chicken Salad. Anyhow I was having lunch there yesterday and they were totally out of forks, so I was relegated to eating the salad with a spoon, which there were plenty of (sorry bald matrix kid). I have to say, eating salad with a spoon takes extremely coordinated ninja-like skill and ultimate patience. Fortunately, I have both (damn I'm good).

Speaking of losing weight, I still haven't hopped on the the proverbial wagon and started a workout routine yet. Although I am adjusting to the 8 to 5 schedule at work rather well, somehow at the end of the work day I'm still feeling a little spent. It's Spring though and although the weather in Chicago hasn't turned warm yet, I totally expect the warm weather, when it eventually arrives, to be a motivating factor in my working out. First of all, the days will become longer which, supposedly will affect my circadian rhythm and make me feel more energetic.

Also, warm weather makes me horny, as if I needed any help with that. =p I mean really, how could I not be with all these cute females shedding their jackets and layers and wearing the latest spring eye-candy. Although I really, really hate the term "metrosexual" because it sounds totally gay, not that there's anything wrong with that, I do like to think of myself as someone who is appreciative of fashion, especially on females. *rawr*

My social life has taken a nice upswing. It's nice to have spending money to go out with because with the ability to party, comes a boost of self-confidence. The mojo is definitely flowing back into me. I'm starting to re-discover the idea that chicks totally dig me, which is cool because for a long while I was in serious doubt of my attractiveness to women. With this discovery that females are actually attracted to me comes the idea that all I really need to do is go out there and ask. I mean sure, I may get shot down on occasion, there are women out there who have romantic attachments or who are simply not interested, but for the most part all I really need to do is ask and eventually I shall receive.

Really it's just a matter of time before I run into the right person and that really hot chemical reaction starts taking place. Take last weekend for instance, I finally called the girl I met at the bar which I mentioned a few entries back and invited her out. We wound up going out to this club and had a really good time. We got in early enough for the bottom-shelf open bar swill and later I opened up a tab and we all drank more. We were dancing and doing the grind for the better part of the night. A few times I was trying to "feel" for the kiss, because most of the time you can tell how good a lover someone is by the way that person kisses but she totally wasn't taking the bait. How could you not want to kiss these lips girl? ;)

In a way though, I think I understand. Maybe she's the kind of person that doesn't kiss on the first date, plus she came off a long-term relationship not too long ago so she could totally be on the rebound tip. She's pretty profound too and got a little deep with some of the conversations. So anyway, we wound up closing the club down for the night. You gotta love the nightclubs with the 5 am liquor licenses. By the time we got home it was totally daylight. My cousin got picked up by this guy friend she's been seeing lately, it's funny how she was talking to him on the phone, it was like "Pick me up, I'm drunk but I don't want you to take advantage of me!" She's funny as hell. So the dude picked up my cousin and I took the girl to my apartment and let her crash on my couch because she was definitely in no condition to drive. She didn't really remember the last part of the night, but she said she had a good time. I may call her again to see what's up but I'm not sure, I think we may just wind up on the friendship tip. I guess it's all for the best because she is eventually going to move to Michigan to go to law school.

Just last night I was hanging out and a friend of a friend of a friend was totally vibing with me, like for most of the night we were just exchanging glances. There were some points where we were totally staring at each other and doing that eye sex thing, it was almost like we couldn't stop looking at each other. Damn, she was such a cutie, if I were to make a comparison I'd say she kind of sort of resembles Brooke Burke. *schwing* Granted we were both buzzing because we were at this place in the 'burbs where it was $1 drink night so the liquor was flowing rather liberally.

We were dancing really close to each other and if I were any less of a gentleman I would have been totally up on her. My game was a little off though because I didn't get her digits but she totally left her bag with some of her clothes in my car so one way or another I'll get in contact with her again and when I do I'll unleash my smoothness. Not to sound like a perv or anything but her clothes smelled really nice. Yeah, I totally sniffed her garments, so sue me. ;) I really do miss the scent of a woman but if I have my way I'll get to inhale more than just her clothes.

Speaking of cars, I totally got stopped by the cops last night. I was following a police cruiser keeping a fair following distance when another cruiser comes up behind with lights flashing and spotlight glaring at my car. Honestly I wasn't watching my speedometer, but I figured the cop in front of me couldn't have been going over the speed limit, but I guess I was wrong. I had my driver's license and insurance card ready when the officer approached my car window. It turns out that the officer stopped me for "going a little too fast". The conspiracy theorist in me believes the real reason I was stopped because I was racially profiled, I mean I DO have brown skin and at certain speeds (like 0.0 mph and above) I can look quite ethnic. That's right ladies and gentlemen, don't adjust your screen, I'm Asian. Why is "the man" always trying to keep a brotha' down? ;)

Seriously though, from there he asked me if I had been drinking because he smelled liquor. I figured I'd be honest and say I "had a few drinks" but not so much that it impaired my driving. So he made me get out of the car and run the gamut of sobriety tests, but not before he frisked me for weapons. I was dressed in all black with a leather jacket. He probably thought I was a Triad or something. =p

After determining that the only lethal weapon I possessed was my cock (Hey, easy with the frisking there buddy!) it was time for Derrick to be put to the test. I had to walk one foot in front of the other while counting up to eight each step. I then had to point my head in the air with my eyes closed and keep my arms down and my fingers pointed and touch the tip of my nose with my left or right index finger depending on what he called out. He alternated calling left and right maybe 5 times each hand. Passing both tests he ultimately stuck me with the freaking breathalyzer. I was wondering why they didn't just do that in the first place, but I guess they can still nail you are physically impaired but still under the legal limit. The legal blood alcohol content (BAC) limit in Illinois is .08, which kind of sucks because it used to be .10, but whatever because I passed that test too and totally dodged the DUI bullet like Neo in the Matrix.

So look, if I told you once, I told you a trillion times when it comes to drinking, I know my limits and rarely do I go over those limits especially if I have to drive and if anything, when I've had a few drinks I tend to be a much more careful driver. It also helps if you down a few glasses of water during last call instead of ordering an alcoholic beverage. But yeah man I totally rock. I am a drinking god. I'm like MC Hammer, U can't touch this. My drinking skills should be both feared and respected and yes, I'm totally talking out of my ass right now. ;)

I had a few more things to say but the room is kind of spinning so I'll rest my brain a little and save it for later.