[this is my life, and it's ending one entry at a time...]


2005-04-22 - 8:59 p.m. - The Care and Feeding of Yor Pet D-Rock...

CONGRATULATIONS! You've chosen a pet that will give you years of fun and pleasure if properly cared for and maintained. Good for you!

If your pet D-Rock starts humping your leg, it's best to just let him. It's his way of letting you know that he cares. it will be all over in 30 to 90 minutes depending on how much beer you allowed him to drink.

He likes to inhabit warm moist areas of the female body, kinda like a yeast infection, but not as itchy and not nearly as microscopic... He also spends an ungodly amount of time in front of the PC which is good for you because it's distracting him from humping your leg.

D-rocks can do tricks too. They are especially fond of masturbating. If this is your idea of a good trick, you're in luck. If not, you may wish to discourage your D-rock from this activity by saying "NO, BAD D-ROCK!!!" in a loud and firm voice. Repeat as necessary. Some scientists believe that this may actually encourage his self-erotic behavior, but there is no research as of late to back up those claims...

D-Rocks like pie (mmmmmmmm, pie...) and tacos as well, especially pink ones. Your pet D-Rock will constantly eat your pie day and night if you let it, until it falls over and dies. While some owners actually enjoy letting this happen it's probably a good idea to let your pet D-Rock participate in other various activities. Remember a live D-Rock is a happy D-Rock. If you keep these things in mind your pet D-Rock can provide months, even years of enjoyment...


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