Well here it is, yet another entry from yours truly. For a while now, I�ve been contemplating yet another overhaul of my diaryland blog. The thing is, I�ve been feeling really lazy and at this point I have only a fraction of the passion I once had when I designed my layout prior to this one, the �liquid-fade� layout. There is a possibility that I may just bring that old one back with a color and font swap and perhaps get the javascript code to work with other browsers like Firefox. A few years ago Internet Explorer was the most used web browser, but now with all the spyware, adware, malware and browser hijackings, there is a significant user base for Firefox, making it a pain to for most if not all of the code to work with most of the web browser software out there.

I do have mixed feelings about certain things though. I have to admit to being a bit of an attention whore and I kind of miss all the attention my diary used to get back in the day when I had a gold account and I was whoring my diary out for reviews. On the other hand, I like the idea that if I do have any readers left, it would be because of my writing and whatever of my personality that happens to shine through my words and not because I have some picture of me up on my diary that looks cute or because I just put out thousands of impressions of some catchy banner or because some reviewer thinks my diary is cool (or in some cases not so cool).

This kind of leaves me in a weird place, because now that I�m working I can actually go ahead and purchase another gold membership if I really wanted to. And even if I didn�t want to spend the money, I know enough free image hosting sites that I would still be able to put together a halfway decent layout. Plus it�s been at least a year since I�ve put up any images of myself on this diary, which I guess is not really a big deal since I have pictures all over the place on a myspace account that I have open. I guess it�s more or less an issue of maintaining a level of purity in my diary more than anything else. I don�t know, if anyone is interested in looking at my fugly mug, I guess I could throw up a link to my myspace account. Whatever, I�m just babbling at this point.

My diary is probably the least of my worries though. What is really worrying me is my ongoing lack of female companionship. It's not so much the lack of sex, though I do admit that does really bother me. I think the problem with me is that I'm just way to complicated a person to just simply "hook up" with someone. It's fucking weird really, because I still have that primal urge, the want to consume my passion sexually. It's like I want to fuck but I don't want "just a fuck". There's a part of me that wants something more than that. I'm looking for some kind of deeper connection.

The really fucked up part is that if I can't even get to "first base" with someone, what hope is there for me to go anywhere deeper? I mean is finding that one special connection something that just happens out of the blue or is it something that you have to work and strive towards? It's an interesting dilemma to say the least and it is one that I've hardly come close to solving. I don't know, maybe it's me that's fucked up. My mind seems to just go in circles and the universe is just waiting for me to make a stand and just go for whatever I want to go for. I suppose eventually I will find my direction and focus, but until then I'll probably be stumbling around aimlessly finding hollow pursuits to bide my time. Anyway, I can babble on about this crap forever, but I'll spare you the misery and just end it here for now...