I was working on an entry but it was getting just a little too verbose, so much so that I was falling asleep writing it so I scapped that and wrote this. Well OK maybe it�s not my writing completely because I have been really tired these past few weeks.

I guess I could give the short version of what I was trying to blog and go from there. As I mentioned in my last entry, I�ve been afflicted with quite a few material wants. To address all those wants I�ve come up with a timetable of sorts in order to delay my gratification of those wants so I can achieve them in an order that is sensible and realistic. For example, I�m not going to buy a car, no matter how much I�m drooling for one until I finish grad school and acquire a better paying position. I have dealt with most of my material wants in a similar way so that I don�t bury myself in debt unnecessarily.

But anyway, speaking of feeling tired, my work has been a bit more stressful since one of my co-workers left our company for a better position elsewhere. Most of his work has been distributed among the remaining co-workers, but one of the most important tasks the he took care of has now fallen upon my lap. It�s now my job to monitor and maintain several of the backup servers that he was taking care of. Although I did help with the after-hours support, He handled all of the set-up, maintenance and troubleshooting when things went wrong.

Well, wouldn�t you know it, shortly after he left the company, stuff started going bad with one of the most important things that I was now in charge of overseeing, the e-mail backups, which is basically a mission critical operation. If some bigwig accidentally deletes an important e-mail, they will need to recover it from backup. If the backup goes bad and the bigwig doesn't get his e-mail and the company loses money or trust over it, I'm the fucking scapegoat whose head will be on the fucking chopping block.

Although I do enjoy a good challenge, too many fuck ups in this area could actually cost me my job and who really asks for that kind of pressure? I didn't exactly volunteer for it, it just sort of fell in my lap. So now my responsibility level shot through the roof and I�m basically getting paid the same money. Even worse, there seems to be a significant delay and red tape to getting the open position filled.

Working at a help desk isn�t a terribly difficult job within itself, but due to the nature of the job there always has to be one or more people answering the phone for technical support calls and when you are taking calls there isn�t much time to do anything else. Basically speaking I�m only one person; I can�t cover the phones and troubleshoot the backup server in the computer room at the same time. It�s a challenge to say the least.

It�s not yet at the point where I�m losing sleep over job stress because thankfully I don�t have to deal with classes over the summer and with a little bit of sweat, I was able to resolve some of the issues that came up during my watch. One thing I do hope my raise in my next review will be significant otherwise I may be searching early for better offerings. It will be interesting to say the least how things will pan out in terms of my career.

Aside from my job, I still have to prepare for the move to my new place. Granted the new place it�s not as good as living in the bachelor pad in downtown, but it�s a step away from having to live in the same apartment as my mom which is giving me monumental issues (which I will spare you the details at this moment), which in turn is killing what little mojo I have and that my friends is so the opposite of cool. Although, my room needs quite a bit of work, I�ve been totally procrastinating on doing any packing, storing and throwing away old stuff. I think it�s the whole thing I mentioned earlier about work draining my energy. It�s fucking amazing how much stuff one can accumulate even with someone in a situation as transient as mine. Hopefully my life will reach some sort of equilibrium soon so that I can regain the strength to do the things in my life that really need to be done.

Speaking of things that need to be done, my sex life is still very much on the rocks and not in a cool way like scotch on the rocks, but in a more pathetic way like a beached whale on the rocks. The reality is clearer than my piss after a martini drinking marathon and that is derrick is not good at picking up chicks. Colorful metaphors aside, this is a true story, I have absolutely no game whatsoever.

You know that stupid saying that those would-be Casanovas spout all the time? "Don�t hate the player, hate the game..." Well you know what? Not only do I hate that insipid little saying, but I also truly fucking hate the game. I think the reason my first relationship worked out so well, especially in the beginning was because I was innocent. All I needed to do was all I really knew how to do and that was to give and receive love freely.

Then something snapped in my head and I found myself inexplicably drawn to the game. That was the beginning of the death of my innocence. I am by no means an expert at this "game" people commonly refer to, but from my observation of other people playing the game I�ve noticed a few not so pretty things, the unspoken rules if you will of the game.

� If you are going be a player in the game make sure you have a lot to talk about, even if most of it is bullshit anyway. Every second you aren�t talking is a second you are losing the game. Being quiet only works if you look like Brad Pitt and let�s face it, you look nothing like him.

� In the game, honesty is not always the best policy especially in terms of feelings. The best way to land a hot chick is to ignore her and bang her ugly friend, then when her self-esteem is at its lowest point, do the switch.

� For a guy, pouring your heart out too early (or even at all) can kill any chances at a relationship unless you are looking for just a friendship (fuck that), a psychiatrist (too fucking expensive) or someone to spend the rest of your life with in marriage (hell no).

� For hot chicks, however the opposite is true. If hot chick is in an emotional mess and is pouring her heart out, then you have to take advantage of her weakened state and pounce on her like a wounded gazelle that has strayed from the herd. Stay with her only for as long as sex is interesting. If she gets too clingy then it�s time to fucking bail.

� It�s a game of cat and mouse with the exception that the role of the cat and the mouse can switch at any moment. You have to chase someone just enough to let that person know you are interested and suddenly retreat and allow that person to chase you.

� If you allow yourself to get caught too quickly, you aren�t playing the game right.

� If the woman allows herself to get caught too quickly she�s a slut and you should bang her (you should probably double-bag your wiener first) and leave her before she wakes up the next morning.

� If she�s a turbo slut (someone who has already banged and will probably continue to bang all your friends) then tear up an unused condom and leave one up her snatch along with a "friendly" note that she might need to visit the clinic.

� The game is a lot like Mr. Rogers "land of make-believe" but in a twisted, ugly sort of way. If you like someone you have to almost pretend like you don�t like that person, rather you should play it cool and do stuff to either make them like you first or make that person "earn" the privilege of you liking them.

� In the game it�s all about give and take (mostly take). When it�s time for you to give, make sure it�s the bare minimum and nothing more, otherwise you are a fucking loser.

� The exception of course is when you are old and filthy rich, then all you have to do throw your money around. Don�t you worry old man, there are plenty of women who will give it up to unattractive men like yourself as long as you have enough cash.

� If you are playing the game, boyfriends, fianc�s, and husbands don�t really matter. Just offer (or pretend you are offering) something they can�t deliver and you are practically in.

Shake your head in disgust all you want, but these are the kind of things that the so-called "players" do and somehow they wind up with all these women eating out of the palm of their hand. You know what I�m fucking talking about, you have either done it before, seen it before or you have been a victim of this game. So what? All I need is to take the part of myself that cares about the opposite sex in any profound way and crush it into oblivion and then I too can be a player, right? I mean really, is this the kind of shit I have to pull to get and keep the attention of females?

Honestly, I don�t know if a can or want to be that kind of person, but the price I might have to pay for maintaining my integrity is to face the very real possibility that I am going to be lonely the rest of my life and in the end I�m going to die alone, just like I have been for the majority of my life. This is the very reason my life sucks. I hate the game, I loathe the game and I�m condemned to loneliness because of it. And that my friends is my fucking rant of the day.