There was a big family meeting over the weekend to basically decide the fate of my grandfather�s building, a place where most of my immediate family including me is now living. The main issue was that he did not will or leave any of his estate to the family before he passed away and it has proven it be quite the headache to the 4 surviving children, my mom, my 2 uncles, one who flew in from NYC for this very occasion and my aunt. The whole thing is especially rocky since they weren�t getting along all that well together to begin with.

I�ll spare you all of the minute details, but the main source of contention, is the same as it has always been in this family for as long as I can remember, and that is of course money, the root of all drama (at least in our family it is). Some of the confrontations have been painful to watch, especially since the drama has been spilling over to the children, namely me, my sister and some of my immediate cousins. Now that we are all (more or less) of adult age we are actual participants in these family talks.

I could also see some of the animosity spilling over from arguments that were once largely between our sibling parents to all of us in the next generation. My sister especially, who is emotionally sensitive to begin with, was quick to rally to my mom�s side in terms of anger and frustration, especially with issues between my mom and my cousins. On one hand it�s good that my sister has that strong of an emotional bond with my mom, but I�m also saddened that the discord that my mom has with the rest of the family is so easily resonated to my sister as well. It�s hard enough being a teenager. She should not have to shoulder that kind of burden as well.

It didn�t help at all that the once wise and respected mediator and patriarch of our family, my grandfather has passed away leaving his children to bicker at each other until they work out a solution. It also didn�t help much that my grandmother, who would have lovingly and fairly willed the estate over equally to her children because that is what she has always wanted for the family passed away before my grandfather did. I�m not sure why grandpapa never left a will. I remember when had first gotten sick and became bedridden, he was still fighting for the patriarchal status he once held and at first at least, he was embittered at his situation with his still sharp mind and his iron will trapped in his slowly deteriorating body.

Then something amazing happened, in spite of his suffering as each of his bodily functions were slowly failing him one by one, he somehow learned to let go and in spirit he seemed to be genuinely free to do what he always seemed to be reserved from doing in the past and that is to express love to those that were around him. I guess at that point things like wills, trusts, heirships and inheritances were the furthest things from his mind. It seemed like he knew his days were numbered and he spent those and he spent those days doing what was truly the most precious things to him.

It seems though that those who felt the sting the most by the lack of a will was my mom and indirectly my aunt who had taken upon themselves the caring and well-being of their father during his last days. So now my mom has to jump though all these hoops with a lawyer that specializes in estates and my aunt who was adopted by my grandparents but does not have any legal documentation to back it up is being legally left out of the trust, although my mom will do her best to make sure the state is divided by four and not by three, because adopted or not, legal or not she is regarded as a member of the family and because her care for my grandfather in particular during the twilight of his life, she has earned a right to her part of my grandfather�s legacy.

Last night however, she stormed out of our family meeting in tears when my mom re-iterated in front of the rest of the family that she could not legally draw up the extra papers for her because she was not legally adopted. I guess there have been issues with that whole thing since way back and they came to a culmination last night. If anything a will could have kept people who shouldn�t have gotten hurt from being hurt and insured that those who deserved to inherit their share of the estate would be legally entitled to it. If I were my grandfather, I would have made sure that my aunt was legally part of the family and legally entitled to the estate as well, even if she�s an adult with her own life, if anyone was entitled to a gesture that meaningful, it was her. It doesn�t matter though, papers or no papers, in my heart, mind and spirit she is family and her family is also my family.

I guess I can�t help but feel a bit saddened myself at this whole predicament. When my mom left me with Grandpapa so she could finish nursing school, he raised me as his own. In a way, I think he learned from his mistakes in raising his own children and took that wisdom and raised me, his grandchild with unconditional love and it seems I don�t have nearly as many issues as all the others he had raised however directly or indirectly. It was almost as if I was his last and most favorite child. Because of his fondness for me, there was a supposition, a fear even that I might have been his sole beneficiary. I suppose that would have been interesting to say the least, but then I would have to assume the burden of responsibility to the rest of the family if that were to happen, and I guess I�m not ready for anything like that in my life right now.

There is also an added sentiment because the building under contention is the very place I grew up in since childhood and it was the home of my first marriage. It was there I had a chance to finally live with my mom as family and take part in growing up with my sister. And it was there Grandpapa lived the twilight of his life. There are good memories in that place. It was not just for me though. It was a haven for all of us in the family who needed a place to stay when any of us was down on their luck. Almost everyone form the immediate or extended family have lived there at least once if not more than once. I really hate seeing it all come to this.

Still, if I were to look at things a different way, I would have to say that I have already inherited the best of his gifts anyway. I know what it feels to be loved unconditionally and in turn I know how to love the same way, much more so that I have observed in other people in my family, including his children. I seem to have absorbed some of his wisdom, intellect and his ability to think freely as well and although he never sat down and taught me how to write, by some unusual osmosis, I seemed to have inherited his ability to write well. If anything, the things I have inherited from Grandpapa is better than any gift, endowment, monetary or material possession anyone can ever ask for and I can only hope that my family can eventually get past all the bickering and the posturing over the estate and discover the better, more important things that Grandpapa had hoped to leave us.

I guess in a way, he has put this obstacle in front of all of us and in some way, however consciously or subconsciously, the obstacle was meant to be there for the family to somehow work together and resolve our differences with each other. Depending on where all of the family is coming from whether it is in terms of love and compassion, or greed and animosity the legacy that Grandpapa has left for all of us will either be to all our benefit or it will simply fall and crumble until we have nothing left but his memory. I personally am hoping for the best, but I suppose time will ultimately tell which of these realities will emerge and no matter what, I hope my family will know however directly or indirectly the gift that Grandpapa had left me and that is love, otherwise none of it would really matter at least in my opinion.