It looks like I got my wish, partially at least. I finally ran into the bombshell again. I guess it was only a matter of time before that happened, but it didn�t turn out quite like I had hoped. It was a beautiful day out, probably close to 70 degrees F and the sun was out in full swing, so much so that some the melanin-challenged who were out on the patio in one of the Wrigleyville bars that we went to that day were sporting a lovely lobster-red tinge. You got to put on that sun block people. Sheesh! I myself had the dilemma of leaving on my cool shades and risking a sunglass tan or taking them off and being blinded by the sun. On the plus side, I think I got a shade or two darker being out in the sun all that time. Being an ethnic minority has it's benefits I suppose. Oh, the Cubs were playing the Cards that day and won *WOOT!*

So anyway, I arrived at the place with my friend and greeted a few friends including the bombshell�s sister whom I see all the time when the group is out. Seeing the bombshell however, threw me for a loop a little bit. I didn�t know if I should have greeted her like nothing happened, or if I should have remained standoffish or what, given that I tried calling her a few times and she never gave me the courtesy of returning my calls. Having absolutely no idea of what her present situation was, I suppose all I could do was step back and see what would happen.

We actually wound up not talking to each other at all the entire time. I caught her looking at me a few times, but as soon as I made eye contact, she looked away so I had absolutely no idea what to make of that. I figured by inference, that she was �with� the guy she was standing next to and perhaps not available, at least for the kind of interaction that I wanted to engage with her. Although he was somewhat similar in height, hair color and complexion, he didn�t quite look like her �boyfriend� whom I ran into from way back when we first met however, so I was slightly confused. My only option at that point was to just play it cool, but it took a lot of beer and a lot of cigarettes to maintain that state. I�m glad I only had a pack, because I could have easily went through a half a carton the way was I was chain-smoking.

She did give me a hug after I took a group picture of our friends by the Haray Caray statue on the corner of Sheffield and Waveland by Wrigley, but I think she was a quite a bit buzzed by then. So anyway, we left the bar shortly after the game let out and hit a Mexican restaurant called Mi Tierra for food and Margaritas. I had a chimichanga con carne asada (basically a deep-fried steak burrito), which wasn�t quite as good as Garcia�s by Lincoln Square, but it was good enough. The chimichanga probably saved me, because I was so full from it that no amount of beer I could have possibly have drank afterwards would have made me drunk. So I was pretty much sober for the rest of the night.

I went up to the bar to have another smoke, and the bombshell�s guy-friend sat next to me to have is own smoke. I took the opportunity to strike up some conversation. �So, how do you know everyone?� Apparently he met the group through the bombshell. She was apparently fielding for a new roommate through Craiglist, and he met her that way. They never wound up being roommates but they have been acquainted since. I didn�t really make anything of it until they broke off from the group and left together. One of the sister�s friends asked �Where�s [the bombshell]?� and the sister responded �Oh, she left with [the bombshell�s guy-friend] to make out...�

So my suspicions were finally confirmed and they were actually seeing each other, which kind of begged the question of what happened to her other boyfriend, whom I presumed is what stopped her from calling me back in the first place, after she gave me her number in New Year�s Eve. I suppose that question was answered for me as well when I overheard her sister and another friend mentioning the time when she caught her boyfriend sleeping with another chick. Fucking crazy drama man... I didn�t inquire into it further because technically it was none of my business, but part of me was simply crushed. The girl I was pining for all this time was not only �available� for some unknown time since the Eve when we exchanged numbers, but she managed to scoop up some random guy for her rebound.

It�s like part of me is stinging, because I would have gladly taken the part as her �rebound� relationship. Actually, I was kind of waiting for it to happen because somehow I knew it would happen sooner or later and sure enough it did. Another part of me however has that sick feeling, like how could I fall for her so easily? I mean, in my biased assessment at least, her ex boyfriend wasn�t all that attractive and her current guy-friend, although he seems like a really nice bloke, wasn�t that much of an improvement. Is she the kind of girl that needs to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship because she can�t stand being alone? I don�t know the absolute answer to that, but my magic 8-ball seems to indicate �Yes�.

So I spent the rest of the night lamenting in my high-school-like crush. I thought I left all that shit behind in high school, but I guess if the circumstances are just right it can happen to anyone at any age. Actually, I was a bit hesitant about blogging any of this, I mean the mighty derrick having a high-school crush? It�s fucking embarrassing. But I realized that I need to just get this whole thing off my chest. I�ve wallowed in the muck all last night and that�s all the time I care to spend feeling bad about this whole thing. It�s time to fucking move on.

It�s fucking weird, because it�s not even about the sex for me anymore. Not that I hate sex or anything like that, but anyone can buy a fuck by way of prostitution and even if I were dead broke, I can bust a nut by spanking it to some really nasty porn. What I really miss is the intimacy. I miss the holding of hands, I miss the cuddling and the hugging, I miss the kissing and I especially miss all those hot and heavy makeout sessions and it�s killing me that as intelligent and as attractive as I am, that no matter what I do I can�t seem to put things together in that respect. It�s like I�m constantly banging my head against the wall and the fucking wall is not giving but I keep banging my head because I want what�s on the other side of that wall. Sick huh?