I have to admit, that last episode with the bombshell did a number on me. I went into this whole bent about me hating women and wanting nothing to do with them, ever and I was on that bent way longer than I wanted to be. I�m just action-packed with issues aren�t I? I didn�t blog about it because quite frankly I�m a bit embarrassed I let some random chick trigger all that internal drama. Especially when my rational side knows that it�s a bit unfair to pin it all on her. There�s just a whole bunch of things going on in my life that I haven�t exactly been happy about. In retrospect however, I�m realizing that I am the architect of my own life and my happiness or lack thereof is ultimately the result of my own choices which has put in exactly in the spot I�m in at this moment.

The choices that I had to make in my �adult� life were far from easy and each choice had made a profound impact on my life:

• Do I marry my girlfriend of 6 years, whom I�m comfortable and have a good friendship with even if she was my first and only serious relationship?



• Do I stay married with my wife knowing full well I�m not ready to start a family and raise a child like she wants



• Do I let my ex back into my life romantically, knowing that I would only be in it for the comfort and security of a relationship and that I haven�t fully experienced what it is like being a single adult and knowing still that I�m not ready to start a family?



• Do I take a promotion that will send me out of the state and help establish my independence, but give up the pursuit of my Bachelor�s Degree?



• Do I wallow in depression and simply give up on life after my best friend passed away or do I try my best to move on?



• After finishing my bachelor�s degree, do I take my a job with my former employer after being laid off for a year with the chance for me to go back to school and work on a graduate degree or do I take my degree and try my luck in the open job market?

People who have been reading my diary, especially since the earlier days probably know most, if not all of the answers the tough choices I have made in my life. For the most part, it looks like I�ve sacrificed quite a bit. Looking at things a bit deeper however, I feel that those sacrifices have not been in vain.

Because of the choices I�ve made I was able to accomplish things I could have never accomplished otherwise. I completed my bachelor�s degree after floundering with it for over a decade. I got serious with my career, enough so that I could finance my own education. I chose to stay with family instead of breaking off on my own so I could pursue my graduate degree and I�m doing better in school now than I ever have in my lifetime.

Although a lot of what I have been doing the past several years of my life is �playing catch-up� for the times I�ve slacked off, at the very least I can say that I�ve done something about it and up until now I�ve been doing exceedingly well. In fact, I�ve been going to be inducted into Upsilon Pi Epsilon, the first and only existing international honor society in the Computing and Information Disciplines, in about two weeks, thanks mostly to my sexy GPA. So I get to flaunt this on my already sexy resume and I get to wear this �ber sexy, yet utterly geeky �honor cord� with my cap and gown when I walk the aisle for my graduation. I should probably wear briefs instead of boxers under the gown, because I�ll be likely to pitch a tent from all the sexiness if you know what I mean.

I�m not sure why I have been putting school above the rest of my life as of late, but in hindsight it seems that is exactly what I have been doing these past years. I put off starting a family probably indefinitely. I turned down a promotion and a chance to move away from the family. I could have sought after a better career with my Bachelor�s degree, but I took an easier job with my former employer because it made it convenient for me to pursue my Master�s degree.

And somehow while pursuing this lofty goal of completing my higher education, I�ve almost completely and utterly neglected my love life. The influence of the man who raised me from childhood, my scholarly grandfather had something to do with it for sure. One of the most fulfilling times of my life was showing him the diploma for my Bachelor�s and seeing the proud look on his face when I told him I was going for my Master�s. It�s too bad he passed away before I could show him the diploma of my Master�s Degree as well, but now I can honestly say that now I�m doing this for me, more than anyone else.

Overall, this whole focus on school is not a bad thing. Lately, however all the hard work and late nights are starting to take its toll, along with all of the loneliness that seems to be attached with being focused on just that one aspect of my life. I�m just glad that it is all going to be over by next year. I�m contemplating on dropping one of my classes. How well I do on my next assignment will be pivotal to whether I keep or drop it.

If I can get the programming assignment to work over this weekend, I�ll be in good shape; otherwise I�ll have to drop a class for the fist time since I changed my grad major about 3 years ago. I�m about a quarter and a half ahead of my June 2008 goal of graduating so other than the extra student loan debt, I�m not too worried. Knowing me I�ll probably fight tooth and nail to the very end and suffer the caffeine driven sleepless nights trying to get the code to work. The coding assignment is laughing at me and I want to go in and bust open a can of whoop ass on it.

Seriously though, I am utterly grateful that I was able to pull myself out of my usual slacker mode and do all these great things in regards to school, but I�m also looking to overcome that milestone, because it�s seriously starting to take its toll on my mind and my body. I keep waking up from these frantic dreams where there is something urgent that needs to be done and I�m putting out all the stops to do it. It�s almost if my life has become so urgent that it is starting to invade my sleep and my mind is afraid to slow down and take a breather because once it does it can never catch up. Like I said before, I�m action-packed with issues.

Really though, I don�t think I can do this full-time school + work thing forever, especially when there are so many other things in life that I need to experience. I need to just finish my degree as fast as I can so that I can move on to the other parts of my life that I�ve been sorely neglecting. And that�s all I have to say about that. Until next time...