I�ve been meaning to post a blog since last Thursday, but things have a popping up and taking away my free time. I finally got over my cold last Thursday and had to deal with a mild cough and mild, scratchy throat a few days thereafter. I had my final in-class lecture last night and I have to work on a final assignment and project, an optional take-home quiz and a take-home final all due over the next few days with June 6th being the ultimate due date for the quarter. After all that, it�s more or less summer break for me, at least in terms of school.

I have to say, it has felt like a really long quarter this time around. Although I still feel that pang of guilt for dropping that one class, I can only imagine what state of chaos I would be thrown into and what new levels of exhaustion I would attain if I didn�t. My need to overachieve just needed to take a back seat to my health and sanity, for now at least.

I don�t really have any elaborate plans for this summer, I mean I still have to work full-time and work has been unusually hectic as of late now that we are minus a body in our department, but having my nights and weekends free of classes and studying and assignments and the like is a significant release of demand of both my time and energy. I think for the first few days at least I�m just going to catch up on my sleep. I don�t know, I�ve just been feeling drained lately; hopefully the extra sleep will do me good.

Although, I wasn�t really planning on hitting the gym until after I graduate in June of 2008, I think I might actually start working out again this summer. I don�t want to totally lose my momentum like I did last summer and basically just vegetate for the entire season. I totally want to get back on track and do something productive and maybe even have a little fun with it. I used to love lifting weights, back in the day my body was very responsive to weight training and I�d swell up on the muscle mass quite easily. Not sure how well my body will respond to working out nowadays at age 35 but I�ll probably start out slow and work my way up.

For the record I hate cardio but I know it�s a necessary evil if I�m ever going to burn the beer gut I�ve accumulated around my waist, so I�m going to need a decent pair of running shoes. Knowing me, I usually scoop up coolest-looking, most expensive running shoe in the market, thus rewarding myself by way of shopping way before I�ve even done my first 30 minutes of running. Not this time. I think I�ll fall back on my beat up old pair for now and when I either step up my physical performance, or the pain starts to get to me then I�ll go out and buy a better pair. Hopefully towards the middle of the summer, there will be a leaner, more muscularly defined derrick available and the XXL version of derrick will be pulled off the shelf.

As if my life isn�t weird enough, I�m starting to get those olfactory hallucinations again. Well, I suppose it makes perfect sense since I can�t seem to get sex out of my mind as of late. Instead of trying to �Zen� out those thoughts like I�ve been trying to do the past few years, I�ve chosen to indulge in them. It�s been interesting to say the least. Aside from family, people who I have �adopted� as family like close friends and people who I work with closely at the office and of course those who are underage, practically no female is safe.

It is of course not very productive spending every waking moment thinking of sex, so I also try to curb some of my sexual appetite by way of porn. I�m sure you are all fine upstanding internet citizens who would never use your internet connection to download people doing the nasty in many nasty ways, but just in case you are, deviantclip.com has almost completely refreshed my once stale collection of x-rated stuff. And yes some of my older pr0n collection are so old they are on VHS cassettes, oh the horror! Not that I'm throwing them out or anything... *ahem*

I�m also hoping that working out will help curb some of that sexual appetite, or at least give me a way to focus some of that energy in a more productive way, than undressing women with my eyes and taking sexual advantage of them in my mind. I don�t know what�s with me. I think the increasingly warmer weather and the inversely proportional amount of clothing has something to do with it. Either that or I�ve officially turned into a dirty old man like some of my uncles. Don�t even get me started with them.

As far as me having actual sex, who knows? I hate to sound like a typical guy, but I think one of my problems is that I�m deeply commitment phobic. I have a slight idea where that is coming from, but I won�t get into it in this entry. From that standpoint however, it�s a bit difficult for me to pursue a sexual relationship with any degree of integrity. I�m of course operating on the assumption that most women are looking for some sort of commitment before they jump into a sexual relationship. It�s probably not always the case, but that�s where my mindset seems to be stuck at this point.

On the lighter side, I have a bit of good news for a change. But I don�t I think have enough time to get into it today, so I�ll save it for next entry. Until next time, same bat channel...