Well, it�s the middle of the month so I guess it�s time for another entry. I hope everyone�s New Year is going well so far. I haven�t really thought of a resolution for myself. I figure enough is going on with my life that I don�t really need to burden myself with vain and often futile attempts at self improvement. Keeping afloat is my generic resolution for this year. I�ll come up with something more significant next year to make up for it.

Really though, I�ve been going trough some weird changes. Although my long-standing state of being without sexual contact still stands and quite strongly I might add, the number of acquaintances that are transitioning into genuine friendships are starting to ramp up. I think this mini-explosion of friendships stems from a few things I do consistently. One is to always maintain integrity, if I say I�m going to meet up or show up, very rarely do I flake out, which leads to my next friendship-enhancing trait, forgiveness. I�m not really a fan of people flaking out on me, which is why I avoid doing that nasty habit myself, but if something does happen and that person needs to back out of an engagement with me, I gracefully allow them to back out without pushing the �guilt trip� on them and aside from the disappointment of the moment, I never really hold a grudge.

In a way it all seems to work out, if one friend is not up to hanging out, there always seems to be another ready and willing hang out. If one backs out another calls out of the blue and ultimately I seem to be in harmony with the ebb and flow of my friendships and because of all that my social life is far from lacking. One thing that has been throwing me for a loop is the amount of females that are starting to have semi-obvious crushes on me. In a way this is a strange turn of events because I�m usually the one having unreciprocated crushes, but in another way it makes sense, I�m out there much more often socially, pretty much everyone knows I�m single and of the circles I run around there may even be a handful of those who find me attractive.

The problem, as of late is that I�m not nearly as attracted to the ones that are attracted to me, so although I�m flattered by the attraction, I�m not really motivated to take any action towards those whom have had crushes on me. In a way, it kind of puts me in a weird place though, because I�ve fallen for people who weren�t really attracted to me before and now that I�m on the other side of the coin, it doesn�t feel that much better because now I�m the one crushing this very real feeling of attraction and it sucks because I know what it�s like to be crushed.

I don�t know why things have to be so complicated, it should be as easy as you liking someone and someone liking you back. Attraction is a beautiful thing when it is mutual. Maybe that�s part of my karma and the very reason of my long standing companionless streak, because I�m picky. Still, I�ve had enough relationship experiences to know that if the spark isn�t there, it�s better to leave the whole thing at the platonic friendship level.

Well OK, I�d be lying if I said I didn�t have mutual attractions at all, it just seems to happen more often with females who are �unavailable� as in them having a husband, fianc�, boyfriend or some sort of significant other. Sometimes you can just tell when a woman likes you, by the way they look into your eyes and by their smile, it�s like she is not exactly staring at you, but she�s not exactly looking away either. I�m not sure what it is about some of these women, I mean there are people in happy relationships for sure and have no need to look for anyone or anything further, but I�d say for every happy relationship, there is another not-so-happy partnership and there are people who only seem to be in these relationships to bide their time until someone they perceive as better comes along.

Although the temptation does hit me on occasion, in philosophy and in practice, I don�t really want to be the cause of a relationship breakup and I take the necessary steps to avoid such drama in my life. In a way it�s difficult because, the most of the women whom I find irresistibly attractive naturally have kind of attractiveness both in appearance and in personality that keeps them from being single for very long.

There�s this one woman who really threw me for a loop though. She came into a family friend�s Christmas party with her toddler son in her arms. I of course immediately assumed she was married and unavailable, but even with child in tow, she was one of those women whom I found almost irresistibly attractive. Although we exchanged a few glances and smiles, I tried to keep it as innocent as possible. The I got hit with the bomb, she started talking about her �baby�s daddy� not calling her or her son for Christmas, thus her status in my mind at least immediately switched from �married� to �single mom�.

At that point I just froze up, part of me just wanted to get to know her better and although we exchanged a bit of small talk, nothing significant was really said. I think the whole single mom thing was what was holding me back though and I couldn�t think of any good reason other than I was jumping way ahead of myself and thinking that I was in absolutely no position to be a step dad. Well that and I could see Cuba Gooding Jr.�s character from the movie �Jerry Maguire� accusing me of �shoplifting the pootie�. I�m not sure if I�ll ever run into her again, but I believe that the day I could throw out all that garbage piled up in my head and just follow my instinct and get to know a person a little better, little guy in tow or not, is the day I can truly claim maturity and adulthood for myself.

Aside from me fighting off an annoying sore throat and cough, there isn�t really much more news to report, so I�m going to wrap it up here. Oh if you haven�t already, by all means, please check out my photo blog. I placed a permanent link in the navbar to the right. Until next time...