Before I get into the review itself I thought I should give a little background story about this "thing" between me and the-assholes review site. I go into detail about it in this entry, but in summary I began this whole thing by writing an "disparaging" note in their guestbook about them going on hiatus and not tying up loose ends. This of course snowballed into a few inflammatory back and forth comments, me winding up on their "idiots" page and the following review by JC, the guy that runs the-assholes site. It's been a while so most of this has mellowed out already, but since this is a review, however biased I thought I should include my usually rebuttal for the sake of completeness. My own comments and notes will be bulleted and italicized.�

INFO: This diary was reviewed without the author's consent. That's just how big of a bunch of bastards we are. This guy suggested we were whiny ass bitches, so I've decided to make an example of him on a very large scale.

• Although technically I did not request a review, it doesn't mean I wasn't interested in one. There are of course better was of going about this, but really in some convoluted and roundabout way I got placed into "special consideration" bypassed all the red tape and got my review. Of course going about it this way, by calling them whiny ass bitches, will almost guarantee a scathing and insulting review. =p I have a feeling that had I gone the normal route "officially" requested a review, despite the site's postings not to request, I would have been given the opposite treatment and denied a review out of spite.�

• So if we rewind this a little, yes, I did not officially request a review, I mean really I was saving the request until they re-opened their site to new requests. All I was doing was trying to kick their ass in gear. It does not mean however that that this review was conducted purely without my consent. My attitude was mostly, "go on, give me your best shot", and I said so in their guestbook.

• I do have to admit, that reviewing people's diaries without people's consent, especially if that review is negative is pretty down low. At worst I would consider it a form of harassment which is frowned upon by the people who run diaryland. To be fair however, I did start this whole sordid mess, so I suppose this negative review is not completely unwarranted.��

Relax pendingers; we'll get to your review soon, I promise.

[ liquid-fade v.1.8.3 ]

Contact [x/x]: You can get this guy on AIM, through notes, on his guestbook, on his guestmap, via e-mail and you can even leave comments after each entry. How special.

• Yes indeed... =p

Errors [5/5]: Not really. That's a shame. A real shame.

• I actually do have a few way back in the older sections, but I guess being an asshole is not necessarily synonymous with being "anal", as in having anal-retentive thoroughness...

Navigation [2/5]: It's fairly simple in appearance, but then I start to drown in a sea of choices, small fonts and neurotic lights, so it becomes annoying.

• Ok now you are actually "fishing" for reasons to give me low points. So OK that's your opinion, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that one...

Updates [0/5]: Far far far far far far far too often. The worst part is that it mostly pictures of him grabbing his crotch.

• LOL, getting creative now aren't we? Low points for updating too much? Classic cheap shot, I do applaud you for that, even if it was contrived, unimaginative and contrary to your own scoring criteria which typically gives the lower scores to people who update less often.
• Now I don't know if it's your imagination or not, but I don't recall posting one single picture or reference of me grabbing my crotch anywhere in my diary. That is an idea however. Hmm, looking though my hard drive I unfortunately don't have any shots of me grabbing myself in the crotch, but here's the closest thing I've found:�

• Woah! WTF? That's a stripper's crotch in my face! What was I thinking? Well from the smile on my face you can probably tell I was quite distracted. Then again people do ask me to smile more often, so there. Anyway, totally my mistake, won't happen again... ;)

• The camera went off quite "accidentally" when I was ummm, adjusting it, serendipitously providing a picture of my crotch, in near-perfect focus even... How nice is that? =p�

Content [4/40]: Oh my. Oh my good sweet Jesus. How can I describe this guy? Horny doesn't even begin to describe him. You see ladies and gentlemen, this fuckwad is desperate to score. Except, he can't. Ever single fucking entry is about his lack of sex, or how he wants sex, or previous sexual experiences. Its obvious why he can't score, he's ugly and a nymphomaniac (a nymphomaniac who can't score). This illustrates my point perfectly. Guess what, he writes erotica too. I'd love to humiliate the guy on some other issue, but the fact is, all he talks about is sex. He's such a fucking dork that thats all he thinks and writes about. Well guess what Stiffy; if the diary is a reflection of your personality, I'd place good money on you never getting laid again. Real good money. You sexless freak.

• Wow, getting a little personal now aren't we? I could of course go into your diary and find at least a dozen things to humiliate you over. Take your name JC for example, I personally think the use of initials for people's names and/or nicknames is completely asinine. It reeks trailer park. Also commenting on someone's appearance without backing up their own appearance is a dubious practice at best. I mean really, Mr. self-proclaimed model, where are your pictures? Not a one in your diary that I see. Then again I can't really picture a hetero male pretending to be a model, a profession that is predominantly homosexual among it's males. Not that there's anything particularly wrong with it. I guess I'll just have to take your word that modeling is indeed your profession, not that I don't have my doubts.�
• But aside from the previous examples, I'm not going to get into a war of personal attacks because I've actually read a bit of your diary and I found that my aggression I placed towards your site may have been misplaced. You are a dad, you care about your child and you have been through a bad relationship with the mother of your child.�
• As for my diary, you can't really crucify someone who has already nailed himself on the cross. Everything you have said about me is nothing I haven't already said in my diary in one way or another or have pondered deeply to myself in various points in my life. It's all a part of knowing myself by being honest with myself and presenting myself in the most honest possible way. The only ammunition you have to shoot at me are the rounds I have already wounded myself with. To cast further dispersions upon me would be redundant and futile.
• I've considered the possibility that the rest of my life may be without sex and I'm aware of my limitations as a person, but I also know that I'm not a fortune teller, I know that there are no absolutes in this existence. Thus I have stricken the word "never" from my vocabulary. Sex is like gravity, when two bodies get caught in each other's pull, the outcome is almost certain. I'm not worried about whether I will be having sex. That's more or less easy, I can just lower my standards and find an easy fuck. I'm much more worried about the quality of my next sexual encounter. Will I wind up with someone I love being with or will I wind up with yet another heartbreak?

Layout [1/30]: Wowee, it flashes. It also does more than that. There's a big fat chunk of black space that turns into a picture. Now there's a fucking trick. He's even got an animation of a girl waving her ass. Reflects the author in every respect. Desperate, stupid and pointless.

• Layouts have always been a matter of personal taste. Judging by your own South Park knockoff layout I could see how our tastes differ. You did your own design though so at least I'll be enough of a gentleman to give you points in that respect. Then there is that bias because I insulted your site. Oh yeah, none of that is showing in this score, totally objective. *rolls eyes*�

Bonus [5/5]: Well I'm not sure if erotica would count as a bonus, but you certainly have enough hommages to your boner.

• Hmm, come to think of it, yes this diary is a an homage of sorts to my boner. Of course there are some deeper, more profound issues that I cover, not that I'd expect you to catch any of them.�

Returning? [1/10]: You bet your sweet ass I am, I'm coming back to see what people who don't have sex live like. Dork. And don't even think about making a move on me.

• If you want to see someone sexless you may want to check your own diary every so often. I can't imagine someone with an attitude like yours being able to maintain an extended sexual relationship. Something you are going to do or say will ultimately fuck the whole thing up.�
• And don't worry, even if my sexual orientation took a complete 180 degree turn from straight to gay and let's say even if you did have a cute little model-boy ass, the kind other boys like to look at, I would say you were enough of an asshole that even if all of the above were true, which it is not, I would still not be interested.

Additional Comments [x/x]: Once you've read the review, wipe the cum off the screen.

• Apparently it wasn't as good for me as it was for you. Nothing to clean, but hey whatever floats your boat. I'm not here to judge...

Total Score [18/100]:

[JC]

http://the-assholes.diaryland.com/030908_57.html

Final Thoughts...

So what's the moral of this story? There really isn't any moral. This is what happens when two frat boys drink too much beer and start butting heads. It's been an "interesting" diversion that has run it's course. In all honesty I was out looking for a fight. Yes it was childish of me and practically uncalled for.�

I thought I found a convenient target for my aggression when I stumbled upon the-assholes site. I didn't really like they way the picked on people's diaries. The fact that they have taken an extended hiatus and the fact that they continually bash people in their guest book yet left themselves wide open for attack didn't help either. They slipped up and I kicked them when they were down.�

Still, despite all that I've grown to realize, in as much as I distaste their reviewing style, a site like the-assholes has it's own right to exist. People who request reviews there do so voluntarily and in requesting leave themselves wide-open to whatever ensuing criticisms. My review is of course an exception to that general rule. I ran my mouth and this is what I got for it.

Like I said before this little "war of words" was an interesting diversion, but things like this tend to get old rather easily. It's like that saying I once heard: "Arguing over the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics.... Sure you might win, but everyone is still a retard." Yeah I know, it's not the most "politically correct" statement, but I think it illustrates my point rather well.

I'm not going to actually say "I'm sorry" here because really I don't really think they deserve it. I was wrong, they were wrong and unlike multiplication, two negatives do not make a positive. If anything, my above concession is probably the closest I will ever get to an apology. If I get no further correspondence regarding this, I'm willing to "bury the hatchet" and I will consider this whole sordid issue "dead and buried".