Since the end of last Memorial Day weekend I haven't really been getting much sleep. There have been alot of things bothering me and I think it all stems from a feeling of emptiness and unfulfillment that has been festering within me. For one thing, it's been a challenge trying to deal with my powerful sexual urges and the fact that they still remain unfulfilled only complicates matters. Basically I'm fucking horny and when I look at a woman who is even slightly attractive all that I can think about is having sex with her. I have a feeling however, that it's more than just sex. Don't get me wrong, if I begin having much mind-blowing sex (a sure sign that hell has frozen over) I'd probably be the last to complain about it. Still I have this inkling that I'm going to need more than just that. I think these feelings I possess go well beyond loneliness or lack of companionship however.

I'm beginning to feel like I'm truly alone in this universe, like there isn't a single person, thing or idea that I can relate to on any real level. I lack a sense of belonging. I feel so out of place like I don't quite fit in with anyone or anything. The unsettling part is that I can't really think of anything in this world that can fulfill me. It's like I want something but I don't know quite what I'm looking for. I don't know, maybe I'm just thinking way too damn much.

Anyhow, one of the ways I've been trying to bring my life back into focus, or at the very least try to provide an adequate enough distraction for me is in the layout of this diary. I've been doing every imaginable thing to this layout, pushing, pulling, tightening, widening, rearranging, adding, subtracting just doing whatever to it in hopes of achieving "the perfect layout". I've been doing this every night, staying up late at night and consequently waking up late in the morning but for some reason it still doesn't look quite right to me. =/

I think the silhouette image may be taking too much space in the layout but I really wanted my own artwork to be in this layout. I've also been looking at other layouts that have their content displayed in specific parts of the screen. From what I see in the source code the designers used Cascading Style Sheets (CSS) to lay everything out basically eliminating the need for tables which my current design relies heavily upon.

Unfortunately my FrontPage 2000 does not have any tools for adjusting CSS elements in the WYSIWYG interface which means I either have to find an WYSIWYG HTML editor that does (if any) or I have to understand how the CSS code works and just keep tweaking it until it comes out right (a real pain in the ass). Ideally, I want to be able to put the main content (the entries window) somewhere in the middle with a semi-transparent background, somehow overlapping the silhouette image which is overlapped by the banner and have the navigation bar off to the side maybe. I don't know, it's just an idea in my head that I don't quite have the means (yet) to bring into fruitition.

I don't know, I'll probably just stick with the current layout and maybe add a few more extras to it. I was thinking of adding a "my philosophy" section and maybe fleshing out the 'About Me' section. I was also thinking of adding my entries from my old diary, but I'm not even sure if it's possible to add backdated entries or whether it will even show up in the right place. I probably have to archive my older entries too. The list is getting pretty long. I guess I should spare you all the details before you fall into a coma. Anyway I got to get back to work. I'll think about all this other stuff later...