My back was really stiff when I got up this morning, but not nearly as painful as yesterday. I still feel a little stiffness in my lower back, but think the pain is going away. I'll try to take it easy again today, so no lifting 19' inch monitors over my head like I usually do. Yes, I actually have to do that in my job, I'm usually the only one with a healthy enough back to stock monitors on the top storage shelves. and when you work in an office building where you keep stock, space is usually a premium. I guess I can wear the weight belt they provided for me. It looks silly wearing it with business casual attire, but I have my back to think about now. I see that the days of taking my health for granted are coming to a slow halt.

On a lighter note (pun not intended) ;) The weather is finally getting to be more summer-like. Through April, May and the better part of June the weather has been cool, dreary, overcast, and occasionally rainy with the temperature barely breaking the 70 degrees F mark. This past week however, the sun is out much longer and the temperatures are up in the 90's. Along with the increase in temperature comes the inversely proportional decrease in the amount of clothing on females. Skirts get shorter, sleeves disappear, necklines plunge, and feminine curves are no longer concealed by baggy layers of clothing. For some reason this makes me infinitely happy. I guess it because I have no chances to behold such feminine beauty otherwise. But even if I did it would still make me happy. It probably goes without saying that the warm weather makes me so totally horny, well hornier than usual at least. ;)

I still have no idea why I'm still single. If I were to wager a guess it would be that I possess some innate personal flaw that women just find so unattractive that I get written off before I even have a chance. I'm not quite sure what it is. It's at the tip of my fingers but I can't quite get a grasp at it. Sometimes I think it is my physical appearance, I mean I'm not as physically fit as I used to be. Sometimes I think it's my ethnicity, like I'm immediately dismissed even by women of my own heritage. I think my shyness and aloofness around women is definitely a factor. How do I even begin to tell a woman of such surpassing beauty how much she makes me speechless. It's a catch 22 for me I think. Sometimes I'm lucky and I catch the eye of someone I'm attracted to. But even then I mess that up, by being too afraid to talk at all or saying something so totally unintelligible that I get nothing but a blank stare while she searches the room to see if there is somebody more interesting to converse with. I know one thing is almost for certain, women don't find me nearly as sexy or as attractive as I find them. I don't think any girl has ever had a crush on me, at least that I was ever aware of. I've always been the persuer and a constant failure at that. I am Derrick, this is my social life, and as each moment passes it is not getting any better. I don't see how it could get any worse, but I'm sure life new more innovative ways to bring me that much closer to my humility.

The only connections I seem to make are over the internet. I think would this would officially make me an �bergeek. =p Seriously though I've had the pleasure of being acquainted with some of the nicest people I could ever hope to be acquainted to. The only problem is none of them are even remotely close to me, making a "real life" connection difficult if not impossible. If distance alone weren't enough of an obstacle, there are women with boyfriends, husbands, families, etc. Even if she does happen to live nearby, there is this underlying mistrust that comes with meeting someone over the internet. "Is this guy really who he says he is?" I mean there's really no way of proving the nobility of myself or my intentions without actually experiencing it firsthand.

I think that is why I have, on a few levels begun distancing myself from the internet. Don't get me wrong, it is a very easy way to make new acquaintances and to reach a wide amount of people, but you can only go so deep over the internet. The deepest connection I have ever made wound up being a complete and utter flop. Well OK I shouldn't say that, I mean we are still friends but the cold fact that it could never be anything more still gives me pangs deep within.

I want to make a profound connection with someone and I want to do it on all levels: intellectually, sexually, emotionally and spiritually and more and more it seems the 'net has proven one of the worst ways, at least for me, to seek a connection of that level of profundity. I guess the big question would be where do I go from here? I really have no idea where to go...