I'm out of here, going to meet my family at home and we are all going to drive to NY. My internet connectivity will be doubtful so I may be incognito for the next few days. I'm due back home Thursday, I'll have an update then...

Fuck, so much pressure. I have 3 users down this morning (all leftover from the holiday weekend) that I have to finish before 12 noon. I have to leave early from work because the the family here in Chicago is planning to rent a minivan and drive out to New York to see grandma. I should leave now but I don't want to leave my co-workers in the cold. We are already short-staffed from people extending thier holiday weekends by taking extra vacation days. I guess I'll just do what I can and get the hell out...

I feel so fucking drained... My grandmother on my mom's side suffered a stroke yesterday morning. They found her face down on the floor around 6am. She's in the hospital now out in New York. My family there says she is aware of the people around here, you could see recognition in her eyes and her facial expression but she cannot speak at all. She's like 94 years old so it's possible she may never recover and there is a chance that she may fall into a coma or worse if her condtion deteriorates. The CAT scan has shown a hematoma near the thalmus region so there's no way they can operate. My mom is going to fly out there tomorrow morning early in hopes that she can still see her while she has the ability to recognize her. I think I may call in tomorrow. I don't think I'll be up to the daily grind, at least mentally.

I know she's old and these things happen but I still think it's a shame, grandma was such a lively person, so full of life even in her advanced years. She and my grandfather raised me practically throughout my whole childhood. It still hurts to see someone you were this close to fade away like this. She had a unique personality, a flair for the dramatic. She was defintiely an attention seeker and had a cute way of breaking down into crocodile tears in certain situations like when my mom, my sister and I had to leave back home after our visit around Christmas and New Year's. She was just there sobbing because we had to go. My sister loved making her sing songs. Her repitoire included "Are you Lonesome Tonight?" and "¿Dondé Estás Corazon?" (among other things she was fluent in Spanish) and she did it with such flair using had exaggerated flowing hand gestures that went with the melody.

I think my biggest regret is that if I ever meet my soul mate she will never get to know some of the people whom are dearest to me the way I knew them, people like my Grandparents and especially Ray. Sometimes yesterday is so hard to let go of, especially when it was so beautiful...