[this is my life, and it's ending one entry at a time...]


2003-08-24 - 11:59 p.m. - weekend recap...

Aside from my sister's birthday, there's nothing terribly new to report about my life. I've been maintaining my running religiously every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning. Thus far it has been proving to be an exhausting ritual. I can feel my athletic performance improving little by little, but the challenges have also increased in terms of pace, distance and most painful final sprint that I run with my cousin on those days. I have been slacking with my weight training though, it's been difficult finding the energy to make it to the health club lately. I need to push those weights if I want noticeable results.

Sure I could lie and say that I'm doing all this for my health. That may be a fringe benefit, but the main reason I'm doing all this is to get female attention. I figure if I sharpen my physical appearance it will help me be more confident with the opposite sex instead of wondering to myself; "I'm good enough to talk to this really attractive woman?" In a way I want to be able to put a spell over women the way they always seem to put a spell over me. I'm tired of feeling so fucking invisible, I want to be noticed and I don't care if it's just for my body. I figure it will at least get me "in the door" and maybe give me a chance to go deeper from there. I know I haven't talked about my sexual yearnings for a while. This was done so in a conscious effort to help expand upon the subject material of my writing, but just because I don't write about it, it doesn't mean it isn't there.�

My sexual drive still remains a powerful motivational force within my being. I still want, need and crave it and I know deep down it is the only nourishment that can truly satiate all aspects of my being. Change, it seems is difficult to come by lately however. So many missed prospects, so many fumbled opportunities so much bad timing all too much concession to fear and doubt. It seems the only thing more powerful than my desire for sexual companionship is my own tragic and inescapable gravitation towards loneliness and emptiness. It is as if a giant star was being sucked into a nearby black hole. Even the powerful radiating brilliance of that star cannot escape the powerful gravitational force of that black hole. Anyway, enough with the astrophysics analogies. Life sucks, I'll live and if I'm lucky, I'll love.

I've made a new banner. It has been submitted but it isn't running at the moment. I guess Andrew is off for the weekend. I've been trying to make my banners like mini "teaser trailers" to my site. Most of them have been blatant rip-offs of some of my favorite movies. Eventually I hope to come up with something more original, but that all depends on time, inspiration and effort. Anyway my mind is starting to drift so here's the my next banner that I'm going to run:

I figure Brad Pitt will draw in the females and the Fight Club references will draw in males and whomever else happens to be fans. I have so many more ideas swimming in my head, but making these gifs frame by frame can be painstaking to say the least. Once I get all my ideas churned out in to banners I may go crazy with the page views. I figure if I have 5-10 different banners running with thousands of views each, people won't know what hit them.�

I also got my reviews back from DiaryEvals and Orgasmic Reviews. I'll make my usual commentary to both when I get a chance to. I've also submitted a few more review requests. I still have Kathy's invitation to review at Rouge Reviews in mind. It seems she has picked up a few reviewers on staff so I'm make sure everything is straightened out with this diary before I take on that added responsibility. I guess that all for now.


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