Let's see, where do I start, oh yeah, last weekend... Not such a bad weekend. I was all pimped out in my costume and drank my share of free booze. Friday we hit 3 different costume parties with some friends. Ironically, the first party had the best hookup potential in terms of females. I guess just didn't have enough time to work my mojo. Then again, there hardly seems to be enough time or opportunity for romantic possibilities as of late.

Saturday night I went to that "Pirates of the Chicago River" party. That wasn't bad either, it was all decked out in this huge warehouse. They had one huge tent with live bands which was actually pretty good from what I could remember. There was another part of the warehouse that had a DJ spinning techno/dance music. The bottom shelf open bar kept a steady flow of cheap vodka in my system. My only complaint is that they used outdoor port-a-pottys for bathrooms and it was raining outside so there was mud everywhere and there was no smoking inside so I had to stand out in the cold rain to get my nicotine fix.��

Lots of creative costumes, a few chewed up and bloody Roys of the Siegfried and Roy fame. There were 3 guys dressed as the gang in The Clockwork Orange. There was a chic dressed in a schoolgirl outfit with a spiked ball and chain a-la "Kill Bill vol. 1". There were at least 2 chicks dressed as Trinity from the Matrix Trilogy. There's just something about black patent leather trench coats on females... *rawr* There was a guy with her dressed as an agent who could actually pass for an agent in the movie. =p I contemplated dressing as Neo but I could not find one of those cool Neo trench coats. Something to think about for next year. =p�

Speaking of the Matrix, I was totally unable to catch part 3 of the movie on its opening night. I had class until 9:00pm and by the time I had remembered about it all the shows after were sold out. I'll probably catch a matinee on the weekend. Navy Pier has an IMAX format theater, hopefully I can get tickets there. If not, one of the theaters with stadium seating will do. I'll have to be more diligent with Return of the King... =p

I've actually gathered the balls to ask one of my classmates to both the costume party and to the Matrix. She's this really cute, slim blonde, peroxide but I won't hold that against her. ;) I just noticed this last night but she has cute tattoo on the small of her back. I also noticed her pierced tongue and I'm like woah. =p We always sit next to each class and we also happen to be in the same group. I sense a vibe with her, but with my track record with females, I could never be sure how good this "vibe" really is...�

Anyhow, she couldn't do the costume thing because she didn't have a costume and to be fair it was kind of short notice, but she seemed genuinely sorry she couldn't make it. She also turned me down for the Matrix because she had previous plans to see it with friends yesterday evening. I have confidence that she may still be interested in going out with me but I'm going with the "baseball rule" and ask her out one more time and if I get one more strike then I'm out. We meet on Tuesday Night to discuss our final project and one last time Wednesday for our final presentation. She actually offered me a ride for our meeting on Tuesday so we'll see...

I got an unusual comment from my last entry. An anonymous reader, based on the emotions displayed in my diary entries, diagnosed me as bipolar and said I was "in. serious. need. of. some. serious. anti-depressants!" So OK, like at first I was kind of dumbfounded, but then reading my past few entries I guess it would make sense, I have been feeling totally down as of late. I'm not sure if I would qualify as bipolar since it's been ages since I've experienced anything resembling true joy. If anything I throw in copious amounts of sarcasm and dry humor in order to cope with the gravity of what I have been feeling.�

I'm possibly more a candidate for clinical depression than anything else because I can't seem to snap out of it. As for anti-depressants, for now I don't see the point. Yes, I feel like shit and yes, it's been a long time since I've felt otherwise. The way I see it, life can't be all about happiness, I have to take the good with the bad. I also see this is as one of life's big challenges. Although I do have my moments of weakness where I feel I want to give it all up, I'm still in there and I'm still fighting.�

I suppose when I feel my back is against the wall and I'm have lost all hope I will take this anonymous tip and seek counseling, maybe score some of those anti-depressants. Until then I have no qualms about dwelling in my own darkness. I've been there so long I think I'm actually getting quite comfortable there. Things will change in the exact moment they need to change. Until then it's just another learning experience.

I do have to compliment this reader, at least for once I'm not being criticized for my want of sex like I did in one of my more recent reviews as Opal Reviews.� It wasn't a bad review per se, it's just one that I got major points deducted based on my sexual content despite my more recent shift into more serious subject matter in my entries. I suppose the policy on their site to read only 10 somewhat random entries may have provided a skewed picture of my diary content because they greatly differ form older to newer. If anything it makes me appreciate reviews from sites like Compendious and Fortune Cookie Review where they get a good enough look at of a diary's "big picture" to make a qualified opinion.��

Still, I don't think one can totally equate my life and my mental state to what I write in my diary because 99% of my actual life is just the mundane boring crap that would put some of the post chipper personalities to sleep if I started blogging it daily. Only those events that truly sway me wind up in my diary whether it is a hardcore rant, an exploration of my darker side or a moment of pure elation. If there's anything I am guilty of it's over-analyzing. I think and re-think things way too much and sometimes it gets in the way of me actually doing what needs to be done.

One of those things I have been thinking about is this diary. I know I haven't been updating much lately. It seems my entries are becoming fewer and farer in between. In part, I think it has been because I've been really busy lately especially with school. I think a deeper, more underlying reason is that, aside from not having much to write about, I am starting to lose my passion for writing in this diary and in general. Lately my diary entries has served to focus, to deepen and define my woes and laments more than anything else and I don't think that's what I need to be doing right now.�

I have two weeks left of class for this quarter, so I think it would be best to set my diary aside at least for those two weeks until all my finals are over and done with, then I can think about what I really want to do with this diary. There are quite a few things I have been meaning to do, I've even been considering a new layout, but if I do not have the passion or energy to do these things then what would be the point? I suppose I could set my diary aside until I time when I truly need it again. I don't know, it's quite a bit to think about. I guess you could call it more of a sabbatical than a hiatus. Yes, there are subtle differences in their meanings, bonus points to whomever gets them. If anything I definitely do need� a break in my routine which will hopefully break the negative cycle that seems to have been plaguing my life as of late. To those I have been keeping in contact with both within and outside this diary, don't worry, I don't plan on falling off the face of this earth. I'll do my best to keep in touch. Until next time I guess...