It's the night after my date. I suppose those who read the last couple of entries are waiting in baited breath from an update so here it is. =p We planned on meeting at 4:00 in the afternoon, but she called telling me she was running late.

That was cool though because we wound up having a few drinks at my mom's place and we were actually able to see the 7:00 showing of Love Actually. It was a great date movie by the way. Sure, there were moments of sappiness but overall it left me with that warm fuzzy feeling. She said she enjoyed the movie as well.

I did all of the gentlemanly things like opening doors and pulling chairs. I even tried things like holding her hand while we were walking and putting my arm around her. She gave me her hand a few times but I had the feeling she might not have been comfortable sharing even that simple level of intimacy with me. I had a difficult time gauging how she felt about me. At this point I have no idea if she is the kind of person that it would take time to warm up to or if she is simply not interested in someone like me.

Although I haven't really been on a multitude of dates, the handful that I have been in usually went one of two ways. Either there was immediate chemistry and we hit it off right off the bat, or there was little or no chemistry and any potential for continued relationship ended that evening. Judging simply by the chemistry, the outlook doesn't seem too good.

Anyway, after the movie we went to the restaurant for dinner. Actually she arrived earlier a bit underdressed to the kind of place we were going, so I switched my black slacks to my jeans before we left the house so she would be a little more comfortable. I'm not sure if she noticed that gesture initially. It was my fault for not mentioning it ahead of time though. I guess I'm totally rusty on this whole dating thing. I will remember to consider the attire the next time I need to go out though.

Fortunately the place I went to was not strict with the dress attire which was rather cool. She enjoyed the appetizer choices as well. I was going to go for the shrimp with gorgonzola, one of my favorite appetizer dishes from that place, but I found out she was dairy intolerant. So I wound up ordering the mussels in tomato sauce and the mushrooms in sauce appetizer. She wound up loving the mussels appetizer. It turns out she loves seafood in general so I made a mental note of it. She also apologized for being a little messy while eating. I totally didn't mind, but I figured if there was going to be a next date a seafood place would be perfect.

We both got different pasta dishes for our entrees and we talked a little bit. I learned about her family and the like. She also wound up asking me really good questions, which was unusual because it's usually upon the guy to lead the conversation. I think one of the questions she asked me was were the top 3 places I would travel to if I could travel anywhere in the world. My first choice was a Mediterranean cruise, my second was backpacking through Europe and my final choice was going back home to the Philippines for vacation. She had similar choices with the exception being the third which was visiting the Great Pyramids in Egypt.

On the ride back home she mentioned a really cool class that examined the interwoven nature of time, space, art, music and science and how they were all interrelated. I added that I believed everything has a common thread and things such as creativity stem from that common interrelatedness. Conversation like that I could really appreciate. She also mentioned that she occasionally dreamt about Ray. I think she regarded him as a "big brother" figure in her life. Personally I was touched by that sentiment, considering how close I was to Ray. Eventually we made it back to my mom's apartment and I pulled up next to her car parked on the street. I was kind of hoping for a good night kiss, but instead she gave me a hug and then she was out of there.

There's so much you could tell about a person by the way they kiss. I wanted to know what kind of passion she had and I admit feeling a heavy disappointment that I didn't get a chance discover what level of passion she possessed. She also had a tongue piercing which was totally bonus. I was always curious how kissing someone with a tongue piercing would feel. It was too bad I didn't have a chance to last night.

Personally I think it's because I have negative intimacy aura. I'm not sure but I may be projecting that vibe on some unconscious level. It can't be on a conscious level because I want intimacy more than anything at this point. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough, maybe I'm doing something wrong. I'm not sure.

I also have to admit feeling slightly disappointed at myself for not being able to trigger more physical chemistry between us. I'm worried that what I have to offer may not be enough to draw her to me the way I would like. I'm not allowing myself to close my possibilities with her, at least not yet. I'll try a few more dates with her and see how it goes.

I wound up calling her this afternoon to make sure she got home OK, to tell her I had a nice time and to thank her for going out with me. Despite my complaints I'm totally grateful for her part in breaking my dating slump and I'm hoping for the chance to take her out again and maybe take whatever we have together and turning it up a notch or two. I think that's it for now, back to the more mundane aspects of my life...