The heaviness in my heart has lifted. I think one of the ways of conquering life is having the ability to let that which does not matter truly slide. I have to admit the timing could have been a little better. I was supposed to prepare for my exam yesterday morning. I called in at work and asked the boss for Monday thru Wednesday off for finals. He of course understood. I mean it's not like he's gonna dock me. ;)

I wasn't able to accomplish anything academically over the weekend. I got some minor stuff done on Saturday but my mind wasn't focused enough to do any serious coding. Sunday I attended my cousin Reggie's, Ray's youngest half-brother's, graduation. I haven't seen him since last Christmas. The ceremony was huge, over 1,000 graduating seniors from New Trier High School, some richie white suburban school district and all their families. No wonder the boy's wearing Abercrombie nowadays. =p Ray's half-sister from her mom's side graduated as well at the same school, though she's not blood related, I regard her as a cousin by association and consider her extended family. I could have almost sworn they were the only Filipinos in attendance that graduation. Her mom also happens to be my godmother, so it all works out. Ray's full brother Ryan also came in from NYC to attend.

The family went out for dinner afterwards and then I, Randy and Reggie the closest of my cousins went out to watch a late night showing of Troy. It's good to bond with them like that again. Haven't really done that since Ray died. Ray was the one who really brought everyone together. It's truly amazing what one person can do and it is almost equally amazing how huge a void that one person can leave with the passing of life.

Anyway, Troy was an awesome movie. There were some annoying discrepancies when compared to Homer's epic poem The Iliad but you have to expect that from Hollywood. I guess I'm a little spoiled by the near-perfect adaptation of the LOTR trilogy. Still, Achilles played by Pitt was a fucking badass. I mean really, how do you get a woman that wants to slice your throat to make mad passionate sex with you? I'm telling you, it's the fucking testosterone pumped body. Well that and the pretty boy face and the bad attitude, definitely the attitude.

Really though, I'm inspired to pump my guns out to his level of buffness. I may just hit the gym after this quarter is over. I read somewhere that if you do the maximum range of motion when doing bicep curls and tricep extensions you achieve the maximum results. I can feel the pain in my arms already, but it would be all worth it. =p It's funny how they totally milk Brad's sex-symbol status in the movie. Seriously half the scenes were of him with his clothes off. How did he get his fucking abs so chiseled, and more importantly how do you get two beautiful naked women to lay down next to you totally exhausted from you manliness? I'd like to know the secret. =p

Eric Bana also played his part well as Hector, the noble prince of Troy, not to mention his body, especially chest was totally dieseled out for the part. I don't think he was nearly that huge when he played Banner in The Hulk, which means I also have to totally wail on my chest at the gym because if he could do it then damnit so can I! =p Although Paris played by Bloom redeems himself, sort of, in the end, Paris as a character was a total pussy, um no offense to the female readers out there. =p I suppose the part of Paris was cast well too as Bloom was easily the most pretty-boy pansy looking character of the bunch. Oh that huge Thessalonian dude that Achilles fought in the beginning is a WWE pro wrestler, Nathan Jones. That guy is beyond huge. But enough about guys, the part of Helen played by Diane Kruger, OMFG! I can see how such beauty can inspire an epic war. Yup there it was, all that death and destruction, all over some woman. Go figure. =p

But I totally digress. So there I was Monday morning, all showered up and ready to go.� Then I got the call from her breaking the bad news of last entry. After that I was pretty useless. I prepared something to eat, poured my emotions out on my last entry and just felt totally drained after that. I wound up just going back to bed and sleeping for a couple of hours. I figure I should just let the water flow under the bridge on this one. I mean yes she is one of my best friends and yes I would very much like to be there for her at her wedding, but there are obviously things that are well beyond my control.

Once in a while the opportunity comes in life for me to be a better person and I think that this is one of them. Despite this entire fiasco, I will continue being there for her as a friend because when this whole wedding thing is over she is going to move out of state with her husband and I don't want to count her as yet another friend that has come and gone in my life. I thought about the whole wedding thing too, me being there even if I am her best friend would be slightly awkward especially in light of how her family still feels about me, not to mention the intensity relationship we once had.

This guy she is marrying is a really nice guy and it would just be uncool if my presence created any ripples in this otherwise joyous occasion. This guy on quite a few levels is everything that I'm not. He's financially stable, he comes from a very traditional, very close-knit family. I'd qualify him as upper-middle class, conservative and I would say he is high income and very good at keeping his financial affairs straightend out. Although, I don't sense the same emotional intensity with them as her and I had, I suppose he makes up for all of that in spades with his stability. Despite what we have both been through and especially all the crap I put her through, I know that she loved me and to some extent in a different, more friendship-like kind of way I think she still loves me and I still love her as a friend as well, despite my own past feelings of being trapped and overshadowed by the whole relationship and marriage.

Anyway I felt a little better after that nap. Sometimes you just need to take a little step back to keep from getting overwhelmed. Once I stepped outside, it was way too hot for what I was wearing so I had to make a stop at my apartment on my way to school to change from my jeans and shoes to shorts and flip-flops. I also caffeinated myself with a can of Red Bull and was good to go. I made it to campus 2 hours before the final exam to do a last minute cram session. I had no time to prepare a crib sheet, but I didn't think I needed one. My weakness of the midterm exam believe it or not was the True/False questions. Many of those questions go against your intuition and in the midterm it cost me 10 points dropping what would have been a perfect score down to 90. That fucking annoyed the hell out of me. So I did the opposite of what I did last time and took all of the online quizzes for all of the chapters in the book that were covered.

After the online quiz you click the submit button and the test is graded instantly with the answers and a brief explanation and the pages where the material is covered in the book. I had over 9 chapters to cram though so I didn't have enough time to go back and land a perfect score, but I was able to skim through each question once, paying special attention to the questions I missed because it went against my intuition.

As luck would have it that turned out to be the perfect cramming strategy as� the professor took the fucking test questions straight out of the textbook quizzes. I totally breezed through the True/False and multiple choice questions in less than 5 minutes and since I've been to all the lectures, the essay questions were also a piece of cake. I was like the second person who completed the exam and I did it without the use of a crib sheet. I had trouble with the homework so the Prof gave me until Wednesday to turn it in. It turns out I used the wrong database for the assignment and I forgot to put single quotes around the SQL insert statements. I was able to correct all of that right after the test. All I need to do is turn the diskette in to him on Wednesday before my other final and I'm good to go.

As for my last final, today is the day I bust my balls. Do or die time. I figure if I get most of the back assignments done and nail the final project I'll be cool. The best I'm hoping for in this class is a C, though a B would be preferable since I can apply it to my future grad school endeavors. Really, I'm completely undeserving of an A, especially in this class where I done nothing but slack. But anyway enough of that, it's time for me to regain at least an ounce of redemption for my lazy ass. I'm off to the library to do what needs to be done...