Perception of time is a really weird thing. Particularly warm and mostly carefree seasons like summer seem to pass by like a momentary flash. I mean yeah, sure I'm a jobless, practically homeless bum but I think I'm enjoying the lack of responsibility and lack of productivity just a little too much. I used these last few weeks of my vacation to log in some quality PS2 time.

My latest PS2 obsession is Kingdom Hearts which is pretty much the gateway drug to Japanese console style Role Playing Games (RPGs). It blends characters from Square Enix popular RPG Final Fantasy series with characters of various Disney's feature length movies. It's cool because you get to fight alongside your sidekicks Donald Duck and Goofy and occasionally you switch off to different worlds and among other things you get to hang with Tarzan, Aladdin, Beast and you even get to swim with the Little Mermaid Ariel and fly around with Peter Pan in Neverland. I actually finished the game and went back and did stuff to get the secret ending which is actually a really cool teaser trailer to the upcoming KH sequel and now I'm just playing to get to level 100 which is pretty much the level cap in the game. Yeah it's that addicting.

My bum life is quickly going to come to a grinding halt however since my classes are going to be starting this week. Although I knew it was coming eventually, mentally I am completely unprepared for this transition back into life of responsibility. I suppose I'll eventually fall back into the groove, but really I could probably cruise aimlessly for another month or so like this. =p

It's probably all for the best though, me sitting home doing practically nothing is also doing nothing in terms of me getting laid and let me tell you, derrick is one horny muthafucka. Yup, in case you didn't get the notice in the mail, the bulge in my pants is not a weapon of mass destruction, no-sir-ee-bob it's my hard-on caused by severe lack of sex. Woah, did I just type all that? I must have slipped. ;) "Push me and just touch me till can get my, satisfaction..." Umm, sorry that song by Benni Benassi was just playing on my media player. *ahem*

Anyhow, the feelings of loserifficness I described last entry pretty much still stands like the hardness that is my cock. But like I also mentioned last entry, I've more or less accepted my place in life and my own shortcomings and I know that I am very much a product of my own making. I know that the only person that can pull myself out of this rut is me and I haven't been doing a very good job of that. The only thing I've been really good at pulling out is my cock so I could spank it like the monkey that it is. But yeah that's another topic entirely. Is it just me or I seem distracted to you? Perhaps it's just me.

Seriously though, I crashed an old acquaintances' wedding reception, hell a fucking open bar, old friends and me being broke off my ass, it seemed like the thing to do. So anyway dressing like you are the fucking money and getting saturated with triple vodka shots apparently isn't enough for me to score the hook up anymore. Man do I miss those days. Not that I had very much of them because I fell into a serious relationship rather quickly back when I was young and cute, but they were indeed good times when they happened. Really though, despite the flowing liquor and virtual horde of obviously single women I couldn't feel any vibe at all.

I can't say I'm a total loser however. There seems to be a weird phenomenon going on of females that are geographically distant from me. For some reason to them I am an attractive and interesting person. It's weird how that works out isn't it? Step into the radius where I reside and they ignore and/or avoid me just like most every other female in this area code does.

I think part of the reason the weirdness that is going on is because of this diary. Somehow in venting my troubled thoughts onto this digital media for all to see I suddenly become this emotionally expressive person who isn't afraid to let his heart out and let all other consequences be damned. I guess in a way that is true, but the derrick that you read in diaryland is not exactly the same derrick you meet in real life.

Yes I experience the same feelings and relay the same events, but one thing remains profoundly different. In real life I don't really express what I write here to anybody and in that I reveal again my ultimate shortcoming. I'm just too fucking internal for my own good. I have this theory that if I start giving of myself, who I am on the inside to people around me. Good things may start to happen. I might actually start feeling genuinely close to people who are actually in close proximity to me. I may start having actual friends instead of mere acquaintances. Or I could just continue what I've been doing and keeping everyone around me at an arm's length and shun intimacy as if it were a thing to be feared.

Anyway that shit is just way too heavy to think about right now. At this moment I have to worry about moving out of my temporary dwelling in my cousin's apartment in the garden (basement) level apartment. I have to say it was cool while it was lasted to bond with my cousin that is, but that too is coming to a grinding halt as he has put out ads to rent out the two extra rooms as boarders down there. Really, I would have loved to have taken one of those rooms as a boarder and continue to chill with my cousin, but financial concerns prevent that from happening and I do still have my neglected bachelor pad still waiting fro me, for now in downtown.

It's partially unsettling that anything can happen and I may even lose that place to live. I'm worried because I'm hanging on a thread right now, some grave situation can occur and just like that, I can lose that place too. I need to find myself a job soon. I wish I could find the number of my old IT recruiter. She did a really good job of landing me interviews with good companies. Fuck, I should probably worry about one thing at a time I guess. I'll get my last quarter of school out of the way and start posting on the big boards like Monster.com and hopefully find myself another IT job recruiter.

I think that's still getting ahead of myself here, I have school to worry about and knowing me I'll be falling quite nicely back into that groove. After that, we'll just have to see, but I'll tell ya this, it's going to be good to finally fucking graduate and get my degree. Hastas.