It looks like another Sweetest Day has come and gone. Although I'm not really much into so-called "holidays" promoted by greeting card companies to help generate revenue to begin with, but I'm kind of sorry I missed the chance to go out to the club last night due to lack of income. One of the clubs I used to frequent was sponsoring a "Change of Heart" singles night for Sweetest Day, for singles looking for some action and for people in relationships looking for a change of heart. The playing field changes a little when you know everyone else out there is looking, there's a better chance my own usually ineffective advances may actually be welcome. But as luck would have it I simply couldn't make it to the game. It fucking sucks doesn't it?

So anyway, I spent sweetest day afternoon going to my blood donation appointment and window shopping around the nearby mall teasing myself with objects I could not afford. After that, I hung out with my cousin for some dinner. She mentioned her need for a roommate so I spoke with her about the possibility of moving in with her after I graduate and find a job. She liked the idea so I'll talk to her again when the time comes.

Afterwards, I spent the evening working on code that's due for my group project this Thursday. On one hand, I'm fairly confident that I can get the minimum coding requirements to run for our project on time, but on the other hand this is very involved very detailed and highly tedious work so I'll be throwing much of my free time into it. The sheer challenge of getting this monstrosity to work is enough to maintain my level of interest though, which is a good thing otherwise I'd feel like I'm in hell or something.

This past week I just got through a hectic round of midterms, pulling all-nighters for cramming for one exam and working on another take-home exam and essay. I think I did exceedingly well on both, but time will tell what the exact score is going to be. It's times like this you learn when places I usually study like the library and the student center shut down. Did you know the Student Center shuts down at 1:00am? I learned this fact on a Friday night when the employees at the cafe started cleaning up and putting away things and turning off the TVs and the like and when I shifted my focus from my laptop screen to the world around me, I noticed I was the only loser left in the joint. Lovely stuff, eh? (Canadian-speak flashback)

I also had another recurrence of Ray in another one of my dreams. The details are nebulous at this point but what I do remember is that I was almost at the point of being awake and becoming lucid to the fact that I was actually still in a dream. Anyway, when I saw Ray I took the chance to give him a hug and tell him that I missed him and loved him. He didn't really say anything but he gave me that nod and that look like "Yes, I know"...

Which reminds me that this is the month my B-day falls on because Ray and I used to celebrate our b-days together because they fell only a few days apart from each other. Actually, everyone around me seems to be reminding me of the fact that my day of birth is coming up. My b-day for the past few years however, hasn't really been the cause for celebration for me. Lately it seems to simply be a reminder of how much older I am getting while still being nowhere in my life and how much simpler, more beautiful and more fun things used to be in the past especially when Ray was still around. If I had it my way I'd erase the very idea of my birthday from my existence because I can no longer think of it as a cause for celebration. Sometimes I wish I could just fucking forget about it, but anyway, whatever, in the end it's just another fucking day.

Lately people have been asking if I've been dating anyone. The actual answer to that question is a rather easy one and that is simply "no". Despite the simplicity of the answer however, that is a tough question for me to hear because the underlying reality is I haven't been dating for a really long time and the possibility of getting dates in the near future doesn't look too promising either. I strategically answer that I'm "between dates", which is a relatively optimistic assessment of my situation because that assumes that there's an actual "date" lined up at some future point. Still, I like Foamy's rant on relationships. He says stuff like he doesn't need to validate his existence through the existence of someone else and how so much of people's misery stems from bad relationships, further saying to simply live life. That's some deep shit coming from a squirrel in a cartoon.

He left out one detail however. I like to fuck. I think more people should fuck and quit being so fucking hung up about sex. Women should stop getting married for the purposes of security and enjoy life by having sex with me. ;) Actually, you shouldn't listen to me, because I'm jaded and horny and those feelings don't exactly complement each other, or do they? Anyway, my work here is done and the glory of my mindless drivel had been posted for all to see. I'm off for another marathon coding session...