For those who don't know, today is Mardi Gras the literal English translation from French is "Fat Tuesday". The Carnival of indulgence and debauchery made famous in New Orleans has it's roots in the History of Lent. For those who don't like reading up on history, it's basically the time when people who practice Lent (and even those who don't) party crazy, let all their inhibitions go and get fattened up for the long 40 day and 40 night season of Lenten fasting.

Now I've mentioned it in this diary a few times before but for those who haven't read some of my older entries, although I was raised as a Roman Catholic, I do not consider myself a religious person. I just have a difficult idea buying into any doctrine or dogma that encourages, even forces the practice of faith through threat of "eternal damnation" and by the same doctrine automatically closes their minds and hearts to people of other faiths. The idea that "this is the right way and the rest be damned" is so Dark Ages.

I think it was around the time of my teens when I began college when I began shifting and revaluating my ideas of religion. I took a World religion course which taught me the fundamentals of the major world religions such as Judaism, Islam Hinduism and Buddhism. My mind began opening through studying science, philosophy and cultural anthropology and began discovering that most if not all belief systems stem from some practical root or cause.

There were even points in my life where I would have considered myself an agnostic with strong doubts of the existence of a higher power or being. I would never fully consider myself an atheist however, because I also recognize there are limits to human understanding and to categorically disbelieve even the possibility that a higher power or being exists would require me to close my mind to that possibility in a similar way that people of blind faith close their minds to those of different beliefs.

I do believe that before for any one particular way of belief can even begin claiming any sort of validity however, it should have some recognition and alignment with pure science. I've always looked at science as the unconditional search for pure truth and I think that any religious belief that does not open itself to science and the scientific method will eventually condemn itself to obscurity much like the ancient mythologies of Egypt, Greece and even Rome.

Although there will always be people who latch onto old ideas and old traditions for the sake of comfort and security, I truly believe that the human mind and humanity itself will continue to evolve and grow. Granted it will take some time with the state of the world at this moment, but I do believe, or at least strongly hope that the higher thinking and reasoning that I know humanity is capable of will eventually prevail.

But I do so totally digress, what I'm really trying to get as is the reason I practice Lent. Although I do not consider myself a religious person, I do hold the thought that some religious beliefs do indeed hold some merit. The simple act of fasting or abstaining for example helps put the body and mind in perspective and helps give a greater appreciation to things that one usually takes for granted. I would even go so far as to say that it has the potential to bring a person closer to a spiritual understanding of themselves. It is something that the belief system of Buddhism encourages, particularly movement away from material wants and needs and towards the eventual transcendence of those material wants and needs.

Anyway, I've been trying to think of what I wanted to give up during Lent for 40 days and 40 nights. As I mentioned in #64 and #65 my 100 Things entry I gave up all forms of sexual gratification including self-gratification for 2 Lents in a row (yikes!). I got the idea from watching a trailer of the movie 40 Days and 40 Nights, the one with Josh Hartnett and that hottie Shannyn Sossamon and my experience was similar to the character in the movie with the exception that the really cute hottie was not waiting for me at the end so I just wound up spanking the monkey and busting a huge nut.

Some people may think I'm nuts for doing that sort of thing and maybe I am, but I do have to say that with that level of extreme deprivation things just happen to your mind and body. Everything around you becomes more intense. You taste things differently food somehow becomes more flavorful, colors become more vivid, the sound of a female voice becomes more alluring, you notice your heart beating more, you feel more alive and more hungry for life. The dreams also seem more intense and vivid. I usually don't remember any of my dreams but some of the ones I had while I was abstaining were just so intense.

I'm not sure if I can abstain from sexual gratification again, I think 40 days for two Lents straight is enough for now. It does leave me at a loss as to what to give up. I thought of abstaining from blogging in diaryland, even locking my diary for 40 days straight. But then I thought about it, is blogging really a worthy enough indulgence to give up? I know there is a certain degree of satisfaction to bearing my mind and soul publicly, but at its roots it is because I am by nature an introverted person.

I also have to consider where I am coming from as well. This diary has had it's ups and downs over the years and part of me misses the kind of attention this diary once had at it's pinnacle. I made an entry and all kinds of people responded and commented to it. It was very addicting and reassuring that there was some kind of instantly responsive audience.

Nowadays however my diary has been rather quiet. I'm sure there are the silent readers here and there but it's nowhere at the point that it used to be. If I lock this diary now without notice, I'm sure a very small handful people will come out of the woodwork to ask for my password to continue their voyeuristic ways but there will also be some people that will say damn, the diary is locked, oh well one less diary to read. I know I've done that myself on one or two occasions.

I think things have come full-circle and my diary is back in the state when I once started it. Like it once was, it is now simply a place for me to put down my thoughts. I know that there are many thoughts that cross my mind ranging from the shallow to the profound and I think it's healthy for me to have a release of these thoughts especially considering how introverted I am to people around me.

So that still leaves me wondering what to do for Lent. I'm not sure if this is an indulgence per se, but I know that I'm just an naturally lazy person who procrastinates way too often. So for Lent and perhaps even after I will be giving up my laziness and procrastination. There are so many ways I can apply this to my life, but the most obvious places, at this moment at least are exercising and cleaning up after myself. By the time these 40 days are up I will have established a regular exercise routine and my room will be clean and organized. I also need to totally redesign my website. I'm sure there are infinitely other ways I can improve upon myself, but I think this is enough for now. I also think that I'm done blabbering for now so until next time...