Dude, I don't know what the hell kind of crack I was smoking, but Mardi Gras is actually today and not last Tuesday like I mentioned in my last entry. Thanks to "someone" for pointing out that little tidbit of info out for me in my guestbook you anonymous commenter you. I'm not sure what happened, either I was looking at the wrong calendar or I was looking at the calendar wrong. Either way that must have been some damn good crack I inhaled. I guess the exact date doesn't really matter as much as the idea behind what I'm trying to do, which is ultimately better myself in some way.

I only worked out once last week and damn was I out of shape. I weighed in at 232 lbs and some change with clothes and shoes on, which puts me maybe in the 230-231 range and quite easily over qualifies me as a heavyweight boxer. I guess with my height and muscle build it's not so bad, but I could stand to lose a good 20 lbs of flab around my waist for starters and that's not going to happen unless I haul ass to the gym and start paying attention to what I eat.

I did donate blood again last weekend. It's pretty much a regular thing now, I usually schedule another appointment right after I donate, around 2 months from that day, which is when I'm eligible for donation again. They made a minor change in the screening process, at least in Lifesource where I donate blood. Instead of having a screener asking you a bunch of personal yes/no questions to determine if you are in a high-risk group, you read a bunch of material and check the list off yourself. I've been through the verbal screening process so many times that the personal type questions like "have you ever taken drugs or money for sex" or "have you ever been in prison for more than 72 hours" don't really phase me, but I guess the new process is more friendly and more private to new donators who have never been asked such things before.

Other than that, I'm trying to get things wrapped up with my former employer. There was a payroll check that he re-issued to me because it bounced one time. Well it looks like it bounced again. Not only that but he's still holding on to the last paycheck. Hopefully I'll eventually be able to get my pay without further difficulty, but when payroll checks start bouncing in a business for whatever reason, I usually take it as a very bad sign.

Of course the money is not so much as important as the principle behind it. A person comes in, puts in the time and effort and is supposed to get paid at a rate that is previously agreed upon, or so the principle goes. In a way a check is a form of written contract that the amount on the check should be available to the person receiving the check. A bounced check is in a way a breach of that contract, at least in my eyes. Legally it remains to be seen, but I hope it won't go so far that I would need to take legal action.

Ultimately I'm glad to be out of there and going back to a company that never bounces a payroll check and that either honors the 2-week notice for employees that are departing or gives 2 weeks of pay in lieu of a notice should a layoff occur, not that I ever hope to collect on it again for a long while at least. I am however actually looking forward to my renewed life as a gainfully employed person. I'll be starting the new position this coming Monday on Valentine's day of all days.

Speaking of Valentine's Day weekend, I plan on doing quite a bit of partying. There are lots of "singles" events at the clubs for this Valentine's Day weekend and I'm dragging out my cousin who is having her own set of relationship woes. She broke off from a long-term relationship only to have the guy linger around and confuse her. She also had a "friends with benefits" relationship where the "benefits" of that relationship were recently ended and they are "just friends" now. I'm trying to get her to wipe the slate clean and move on, but she's one of those people who like to dwell and linger in her own drama. Hopefully I can get her to snap out of it though. I guess it's just a matter of time and luck.

Really though, sometimes I wish I had similar problems to the ones most other people complain about. I suppose it is all relative to a particular situation, but for me I guess I've been out of the relationship game for so long, that the minor problems that people in relationships normally complain about seem almost totally outside of my comprehension and ultimately sound silly and stupid to me. If you have a person that you are close to and that you are sharing intimacy with I think you should enjoy and cherish it while it lasts, because being without it can really suck sometimes. Focus more on what you are getting and less on what you aren't getting and if it bothers you to much to arrive at some sort of compromise, quit bitching and get the hell out of the relationship and find a better one if you can.

I guess I can't really say that because being single for so long, I personally can't say that it has been easy to fall into a new relationship. Granted, I've been in a financial rut for almost a year and that in itself has eroded my already low level of self-confidence, but even when I had my own place and was financially independent I was never really good at meeting new people and creating relationship possibilities for myself.

I really, genuinely miss being in a relationship. I miss the little things like having someone's hand to hold or having someone to hug. I rspecially miss the kissing, from the soft kisses on the forehead to the long passionate intermingling of tongues. And the sex? Fucking-fuhghedaboudit, recently it's been very difficult to escape the thought. It's almost too scary how much a guy who hasn't had any for so long constantly thinks about it. I hate to admit it, but I think I'm going fucking crazy, I can't get sex out of my mind. I need it like I need a glass of cold water after a long run. Damn! I guess there are enough changes going on in my life that, my constant lack of sexual intimacy may actually change too. I guess we'll see. That's all I have to say for now. Until next time...