It's been a while since I've updated. How many entries have I mentioned that already? =p Anyway, I've been meaning to put in an update, but really there's nothing terribly new going on in my life, that and I've been having a bit of writer's block. Sometimes there are a few things I need to get off my chest, but I'm not necessarily able to put my thoughts into words, so I just don't write anything or I go into a paragraph I get stuck and I wind up simply trashing the whole thing. Since I don't want my diary to slip totally into the void, I thought it would be a good idea the throw in something, so below is a copy and paste of a relationship Q&A I filled out fairly recently. Since I put quite a bit of thought into answering those questions, I thought it would double as a semi-decent entry, or so the theory goes... =p

1. What do you look for in a girl?

There are a few things I look for in a potential mate. Chemistry is definitely a vital factor. That is something you can't fake, it's either there or not there. When the chemical attraction is mutual, the effect is almost immeasurable, except maybe on the Richter scale. ;) I know that there are shy girls out there, but if I can get that eye contact and we reach the point where we just can't stop ourselves from eye-flirting, that's when I know the chemistry is undeniable. I try not to narrow myself to one specific �type� of girl, especially in terms of physical appearance. In truth, I�m attracted to all shapes and sizes, all different ethnicities. Perhaps the most common element in all females that I�m attracted to is their femininity. Being of a strong masculine nature I have a tendency to seek a �Yin� for my �Yang�. This is not to say that my woman cannot be strong or independent, but there are just moments especially during times of intimacy where I just want my woman to surrender to me completely. Don�t worry though, you will be in good hands. ;)

An open mind is also a choice attribute that I look for in terms of a potential mate in a relationship, whether it's a just a friendship or something deeper. There are other things I try to keep an eye out as well in a potential mate. All other things being equal I would prefer associating someone who has a tendency towards being profound, in mind and in spirit. I want someone who is philosophical in nature, someone who seeks a deeper meaning in all things and who has that natural curiosity towards the deeper truths. If you aren�t willing to go deep you will never know the kind of person I truly am and more importantly you will never know the kind of person you truly are or can be.

The last and perhaps the most important attribute for that potential soulmate, is a woman who still believes in love. I know we have all been hurt and jaded in the past. Many of us live our lives being careful who we choose to give our love to. I know, I've experienced the pain of heartbreak, but if I had a chance to do it all over though, I'd do so in a heartbeat. You know what they say, it's better to love and lost than to never have loved at all. Ultimately, I seek the deepest kind of love, the kind of love that is true and unconditional. The person I am going to wind up with has to believe at least in the possibility that love of that magnitude can exist between two people, otherwise what is the point to it all?

I try not to plan too far into the future. I think too much planning takes away from the infinitude of surprises that life has to offer. If I had to make a projection however, I do see myself completing my master's degree and finding a company that I can grow with career-wise and that would take advantage of my talents.

As far as relationships go, who knows? I'm enjoying the life of a bachelor, the late nights, the partying, doing whatever I want to do, flirting with whomever catches my eye and having nobody to answer to but myself. Still, I try to keep an open mind and I envision myself running into that special someone who may help me see things in another light. I wouldn't mind finding the right person and falling in love again.

Part of the beauty in traveling on the road of life is that you don't quite know where the next turn is going to lead you. I try to go by the idea that whatever happens in the future, will happen in which case I will do my best to take with me the joys and pains of each moment and hopefully, in the end I will be a better person because of it.

Family is very important to me. I know that no family is perfect, but there is no denying the amount of closeness and unconditional love one can get from family. My biological parents divorced when I was very young and because of certain situations, I wound up being raised by my maternal grandparents. Although my parents were around for me at key points of my life, I can�t help but wonder how much richer our relationship would be had they taken a more direct role in raising me.

Ultimately though, I have no regrets about my childhood because I feel that my grandparents raised me wonderfully and with much love, so much so that I can�t even begin to imagine not being around to raise my children should I choose to have them someday. I want to be there to watch them grow, to help guide them into the best they can be, to show them the kind of unconditional love I was given as a child. Being able to share that kind of bond with your children is just one of those things that can make life that much more beautiful.

It�s been a while since I�ve been in a really serious relationship so I don�t remember that one huge overwhelmingly romantic gesture. What comes out in my mind the most are all those little romantic things I�ve done, like holding the door open for her, making sure she has a hand to hold when walking up a flight of stairs, buying that little charm for her in that bubble gum dispenser, getting a copy the DVD of the movie we saw on our first date and giving it to her as a gift on out 1st anniversary, saying �I love you� to her and knowing in my heart that I meant every word of it. I think that all those little things ultimately turn out to be one big romantic thing and that is sharing all the outward signs that everything inside me screams, which is I do indeed love you.

I guess it would depend on the nature my friendship with the girl and the nature of her friendship with her ex. If it�s one of those �friends with benefits� relationships it�s a really tough call, because when I�m in a relationship eventually I�d like it to grow romantically to the point where we are giving 100% of our bodies, hearts and souls to each other and if she�s giving her body to someone else I�d take it as a serious lack of commitment on her part and eventually I�d just move on.

Still, there�s no denying the kind of bond a person can have with a former romantic flame, even if the one-time couple is no longer together. I know that although we are no longer romantically connected, my ex and I remain the best of friends. I know that some relationships are simply meant to end and sometimes both people simply wind up never seeing or hearing from each other again. However, I think that if you start out with a good friendship and you take the �ups and downs� of the relationship in stride, there�s no reason to end that friendship even if the romantic part of the relationship dies out.

Although I try not to let the little things get to me, there are certain things people do that really irk me. Prejudice is one of those really big things, how can someone judge another person by simple things such as ethnicity without hearing a word from their mouths or experiencing the quality of their soul. Get to know someone first and stop making sweeping generalizations, because in the end we are all human beings.

Hypocrisy is another thing that can totally piss me off. How the hell can one person run off at the mouth preaching to people and judging them only to do the very same things themselves? That�s just freaking ridiculous. Say what you mean and mean what you say, otherwise what comes out of your mouth is just all a bunch of useless noise.

I�ve done quite a few silly things especially during my adolescent years, but among the silliest things I�ve done are the times I tried to be things that I�m really not.

Of course I have, I mean really, who hasn�t? So many times, so many different ways, from the little schoolboy crushes to the times when I felt my heart soar to the times I�ve felt that same soaring heart get shot straight out of the sky and plummet to the ground in flames at terminal velocity. Yup, been there done that and if I�m lucky I may be privileged and lucky enough to go on that ride again.

I try to keep things simple, like dinner and cocktails on a sidewalk caf� on a warm summer evening, followed by an evening at the theatre, holding hands while strolling through the park or perhaps a night out in the town. Really though if you are with the right person, any moment can be a romantic one, which makes normally mundane tasks, like shopping in Target a potential outing of interest.

I know there are times when I catch two �lovebirds� in the middle of a public display of affection and in my mind I�m like �God, get a room you two!�, but in retrospect I think that feeling of saltiness comes from a slight tinge of jealousy, because there are times when I wish I were in that blissful state of being in love where I just want to spontaneously lock into a kiss with my partner and everything else in the world, even unsuspecting onlookers just fades into oblivion in comparison to that moment.

As for the song, I guess it all depends on my mood at that moment. I know that�s not really a definitive answer but that�s all I got. Perhaps on my next romantic date I�ll make a mental note of whatever music may be playing on the background. ;)

Practically speaking, no, I don�t believe in love at first sight. Love takes time to grow and flourish. Physical beauty can be very deceptive almost intoxicating, which is why I believe more in lust at first sight. There�s no denying however, the power of physical attraction. Having that kind of intense chemistry with another person can be a really good starting point for love to eventually grow.

I try not to live my life with any regrets, but I guess regrets are part of being human. As long as you don�t continually dwell in past mistakes and allow those regrets to take dominance over your thoughts and over your life you will be fine. If I did have any regrets it would have to be misspending the earlier part of my youth, especially when it came to school.

I completed my Bachelor�s Degree only recently only because I put in the kind of effort and determination that I should have put in years ago. It�s like I�m playing catch-up for all the days I�ve slacked off in the past. Time is so precious because when you lose it you can never get it back. It�s because of this that you have to treat every moment like it is important.

For the most part I think I just smile naturally, especially when I�m listening to someone and relating to what that person is saying, the smile just comes out in my face. I also try to take joy in the simple things in life so you may catch me smiling at the littlest of things. I think the easiest way to make me smile however, is if I see someone else smiling. It�s contagious you know, especially if the smile comes from a cute face I just can�t help but smile back.

Part of me likes the idea of soulmates. I think it�s a very romantic concept, but at the same time it can be a very scary one. The idea that of the billions of people that exist in the world, there is only one that you are truly meant to be with. I mean the odds of meeting that one person are just so astronomical that you would have better chances hitting some huge lotto jackpot or getting struck by lightning on a clear day. If anything the odds are in favor of you never run into that soulmate, which if you think about it kind of sucks.

I like the idea of kindred spirits better, souls whose destinies are intertwined in some way like family, close friends and of course the star-crossed romantic lovers. I suppose two people coming together as soulmates (pun intended) ;) can exist between two people who are really in love with each other. Although it may not be forever, I would like to believe that for those few precious moments by virtue of their love for each other they indeed become soulmates.

To my dearest love,

I know it is a little weird writing you a letter before I�ve even met you, but I know you are out there somewhere searching, waiting and hoping just like I am for that one fateful day when we may finally meet. I look forward to the time when my hands can touch yours, when I can feel your body against mine, when I can press my lips against yours, when my heart can begin racing at your mere presence and when I can finally feel truly alive again.

It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but I have faith that some day you will be right where you belong, in my arms loving you. In the meanwhile I�ll try to make my way through this mundane and ordinary world. Until destiny brings us together, please take care of yourself. Until that moment I remain,

Very truly yours,

<3 Derrick