I just wanted to kickoff a special b-day entry since today is the actual day of my birth. Normally I don't like talking about my age because it's usually such a loaded issue. There are so many pre-conceived notions attached to one's chronological age that it can create unusual expectations of how a person should or shouldn't be. I don't know, people are supposed to "act their age", whatever that means.

Also, I unofficially stopped counting my age after I turned 29. That was the first time my age ever became a "concern" and it was around that time I had my first official pre-midlife crisis. It was a time when friends my age started getting "serious" with their lives by establishing their careers, settling down in their town homes and houses, getting married, having children etc.

This was also around the same time I was on a long-standing dating slump. After the initial freedom and relief of my divorce from a few years prior had worn off, I started feeling the lonlieness and perhaps regret that I may have walkd away from a good thing. I tried getting back into the groove, but it was an uphill climb for sure.

The only things going relatively well for me was my career and school which were two things I made a point to get serious with. I guess the crisis really should have happened when I was 30 because the decades ending in "0" are usually the milestones, but for some reason it just hit me a year earlier. There were just so many things I wanted to be, so many things I wanted to accomplish by age 30 and I was nowhere near that point so I just went into crisis mode. The only saving grace for my 29th b-day was that Ray was still alive. We had an awesome party and it really took my mind off of things.

My 30th B-day the doward spiral continued because it happened to be the first birthday after Ray died, so that event pretty much overshadowed all other events. We had our last party in Ray's house. Technically it was Ray's dad's house, but it was filled with friends and family who loved Ray and vice versa. If it weren't for my grandpa needing me to take care of him, while he was still walking around and eating on his own that is, I probably would have been in that house too. We had the last Halloween/B-day party in that house in honor of Ray.

The strange thing is, while Ray was still alive he was actually planning the upcoming party in honor of my 30th . It was just one of those things that have made my birthdays since then so bittersweet. It's almost bringing me to tears just thinking of it. He wanted it to be special for me, we all wanted it to be special for him and in the end it winds up being a painful yet sweet memory of the past.

I'd be lying if I told you I'm completely over all of it, but some surprising and somewhat unexpected things happened to me last weekend, because I actually had a happy birthday despite the feelings detailed in my last blog "black october". If you can recall in that entry, I was a little down about the whole b-day thing.

I actually began feeling somewhat better after I unloaded my feelings while writing that blog. The next day I got an e-flyer in the e-mail for Wet Nightclub and I remember my cousin suggesting Wet as one of the places to party for my birthday, so I quickly contacted the promoter via e-mail and got a guest list going for the promotion. I pretty much put this all together last-minute. By the time Saturday hit I had a guest list of about 20 people. Although my actual birthday is today, I moved the celebration over to the weekend.

Once Saturday hit, we started off at the steakhouse by the Marina Towers, Smith & Wollensky's. I've actually been jonesing for steak for quite a while now and I thought my b-day would be the perfect opportunity to finally eat one. My mom fooled me into thinking it would be it would be just us four, me, my sister, my mom and her boyfriend because the steak joint was quite expensive, but she actually arranged to have all my other cousins attend as well, which was a totally unexpected but pleasant surprise.

After I dropped the car off at the valet, I saw them sitting big circular table for eight. At first I was wondering, why such a big table? But then they said it was the only table available in smoking, which made sense because the house looked packed. Then, much to my surprise 3 of my cousins strolled in. Like I mentioned earlier, it was a really nice surprise. By the end of dinner everyone was stuffed.

Afterwards, we were going to head out to club Wet, the one I made arrangements for a few days back. I setup a guest list so that people could get in free and of course there was the bottom-shelf open bar from 10 to 11pm. I'd say of the 20 or so people I put on the list, about half actually made it. I didn't expect it to be a huge turnout because of the short notice but with a few notable exceptions such a people honoring prior commitments, in a way you really know who your friends are when they come together for your birthday like this.

The place started out really slow. There was barely anyone in there at opening and it continued like that for the next few hours. So naturally, we all started getting sauced. The surprise nightclub guest of the evening however was my mom. We used to go out drinking together quite a bit when I turned 21 and was legal to drink, but she stopped going out almost entirely almost 5 years or so ago. Still, for most of my life she was more of a sister and good friend than a mother to me, so hanging out with her was just natural.

My mom had been drinking beforehand, so naturally she was quite buzzed by the time we hit the club, but my friends loved her. We drank and danced a little and my mom had a chance to socialize with my friends. My mom left a little early, however 1am or so to catch the valet @ Wollensky's before they closed up, but not before she had done her "damage". Apparently she was pimping me out hardcore to one the female friends in my group. At the time I had no idea what she was saying to her, I thought they were just chit-chatting.

So anyway, this girl who my mom was talking to, I always thought she was either out of my reach, because she is currently "seeing" someone, or just plain out of my league because she has a gorgeous body and cute face, plus she was wearing this really hot outfit. She was the kind of girl that walked into a club and got hit on by every guy imaginable and at the same time would shoot them down like they were nothing.

I actually knew her for quite a while, probably almost a year or so because she was my cousin's co-worker and good friend and with the exception of last night and whenever I hung out with my cousin, I almost always hung out with her. Despite the frequency of hanging out together, she never gave me any type of romantic attention. I suppose in the way my cousin became almost like my sister, the hot girl we always hung out with has almost become like my adopted sister, you know of the really cute new stepsister variety.

In other words, she's always sparked my interest, but because certain circumstances and because we were just friends like that it never quite went in any romantic direction. I think she was even trying to find a girlfriend for me at one time because she thought I was such a nice guy. That all changed last Saturday night. After my mom and her boyfriend left (thankfully he was the designated driver).

Me and her we started off dancing really close and doing the grind with each other. Then, seeming out of the blue she wanted to kiss me, but not without giving me a warning first, something along the lines of me being such a nice guy and her not wanting to hurt me. Damn, I almost forgot about my "nice guy syndrome", the disease common to all nice guys that somehow repels the opposite sex.

In my experience whenever a girl tells you she thinks you are a nice guy she might as well be giving you the kiss of death, because that statement is always followed with a "but".  For example, "Derrick you are such a nice guy, but I don't think I deserve you. I think we should stop seeing each other, but hey don't ever change because any girl would be lucky to have you, just not me." Man, if I had a dollar every time I heard shit like that, I could buy myself a few Venti-sized coffees at Starbucks...

So anyway, I told her not to worry, I was a big boy and I could handle it. Then I went in for the kiss, I mean really, when the fuck does this type of thing happen to me?. My lips were sort of drifted to hers, almost in slow motion and when our lips finally touched, damn that fucking felt good. We were there right in front of the bar as our kiss started gaining intensity until we were sucking face for what seemed almost like an eternity.

Finally my long-standing streak, more than a year of being kiss-free has been broken. I know it's been a while but damn that was a good kiss. My lips rubbed firmly against hers and my tongue explored and probed the inside of her mouth almost as if my tongue were dancing with her tongue. I couldn't have possibly imagined a better way to end my kiss-less streak.

Although I was quite oblivious at the moment, I think almost everyone in the bar seemed to have noticed our little public display of affection. Maybe it was just me, but when I finally came up for air, I got some "damn I wish I were you, you fucking lucky bastard" glances and nods. People were definitely looking at me differently, or maybe it was just me seeing the world differently. Either way things were different.

Although, my eyes were closed though most of our kiss, I kept sensing flashes of light. When I opened my eyes to see what the hell was going on, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the club photographer snapping photos of us on his digital camera. It was kind of an Rated R moment so I don't think they have the balls to put it up on their site, but if they do I may actually post them on here, you know, for the sake of posterity. ;)

It didn't end there however, we were all over the place and all over each other. She was jukeing me like there was no tomorrow. Somehow we wound up in the VIP section upstairs, in a secluded corner. She was up against the wall facing it and I was grinding her from behind. I remember her neck being soft and beautifully curved. Right at the back, of her neck, the Chinese character for Love was tattooed on her. For some reason, my mouth just gravitated there as if her neck was meant to be sucked by my mouth.

My hand had its own gravitational attraction and found it's way under her really short skirt. As my hand wandered and explored under her skirt, I felt some panties, cotton I believe covering the lips of one of the softest pussies I've felt in a long time. I got lost in the moment as my middle finger found its way past the elastic band and between her two lips. I could feel almost a glimmer of wetness between her two lips. I wanted to do more, holy fuck I wanted to do more, but then I realized I was still in a crowded club and that little secluded corner couldn't possibly be secluded enough to do what I wanted to do so I took my hand out from under her skirt, pulled her skirt back down and put my hands on her hips and continued grinding my crotch into her ass.

Eventually she had to go to the bathroom so we inched our way through the crowded VIP section back downstairs. Again nods of approval from guys I've never met in my life patting me on the back. I even think one guy said to me in an aside "she's all yours man..." I think they all wanted to give me high-fives if it weren't so terribly obvious. It was almost if I climbed Mount Olympus tasted Ambrosia and came down a god. Somehow the usually invisible guy named derrick was no longer invisible. Honestly, I've never had an experience quite like it. I'm not sure if I was hallucinating or not but even the girls in my group were like "take her home and bang her already".

I was having such a good time that I didn't really think of going home until she was dancing on the pedestal and she like totally fell off. I caught her to keep her from falling on her face, but I of course wound up falling on my ass. I think everyone saw that too. =p It was around that time when I assessed that she was officially drunk off her ass and we probably should get out of there before the bouncers kick us out.

So OK, there's a little more to this story, but most of it is just boring details and Derrick needs his beauty rest. So anyway we wound up in my downtown condo (the one my step dad is renting nowadays). I had it reserved for my birthday on the weekend. Me the cute girl, my 2 cousins (brother and sister) and a good friends crashed there. The cute girl was so drunk she crashed in my bed I cuddled up next to her and tried kissing her neck, but she was totally passed out. I guess that's not such a bad thing because I think I had whiskey dick and had things gone the sexual direction, I probably wouldn't have been able to follow all the way through if you know what I mean.

Still, though I technically didn't get "lucky" I had an awesome night, and I consider myself lucky enough to have a good night with good friends and a some really good birthday memories (for a change). After she dropped all of us home the next morning I kissed her goodbye. It was nothing like the kiss from the night before. We were both sober and with the lack of alcohol in my system to buzz my inhibitions I was actually nervous again about kissing her. Still, I couldn't go back to a friendly kiss on the cheek, so I pressed my lips against hers, just for a moment and I kind of felt that spark. She smiled at me and I thanked her for coming to my party.

I still don't know where things are going to go with the cute girl. I'm hoping she remembered enough of what happened and that she liked what she remembered enough to warrant a repeat performance. The future is full of question marks, but the questions preceding them are damn good questions. Anyway, sleep beckons and I'm off to heed its call...