I�ve been flirting with a few ideas in my head for quite some time now concerning my diaryland blog. I�ve been meaning to make some serious changes to this diary but I haven�t had the time or energy to initiate those changes as of late. One of the major things I�ve been considering is re-instating my gold account.

In many ways, letting my gold account expire was a major contributing factor to the eventual downward spiral of this blog. There were of course other major factors such as losing my full-time job, having a lack of internet access and trying to get my bachelor�s degree completed with minimal income but in my mind, the slow death of my blog began at the moment my gold expired and all the pictures in my design became broken and I had to replace it with a simpler design.

Part of me wants to breathe new life back into this diary. This is after all my first dedicated online blog and I�m a bit sentimental about it. Although I�m far from being lonely because I�m always around people who are close to me, I can�t help but feel alone sometimes. It�s just that all these thoughts in my head can be heavy and since I don�t have anyone in my life that I can really pour my soul out to, there are numerous times this blog has been a really great way of helping me sort things out and maybe lessen some of the gravity that has been weighing down upon me.

But then something happened. A fellow blogger from diaryland decided to quit her blog so she could dedicate more of her time and energy to her real life pursuits. Although we have been acquainted online for less than a couple of months, she�s actually one of the few people who have meaningfully commented on my blog entries since I�ve come back to diaryland and started blogging fairly regularly again.

It�s not that I�m blaming anyone for the lack of reading or the lack of commenting in my diary. I realize that people actually do have lives and I also realize that the things I write won�t necessarily click with everyone that is going to read it. Still, because more that half of my favorite reads list hasn�t updated in over 3 months, I�ve slowly been trying to replace the defunct diaries with people who actually update.

One thing I�ve noticed in exceeding frequency is the lack of reciprocity and at the very least the lack of acknowledgement when it comes to comments, notes and guestbook signings. I read an entry I relate to, put in a meaningful comment (most of the time) and get no comment of feedback whatsoever. And its not like I don�t give people chances here, I usually go by the �three strike rule�, if I don�t get and response from the person after 3 tries I figure the person is either just isn�t interested in communicating or just plain stuck up and rude and I simply drop that person from my favorites list. One thing I�ve realized with all this is that people in general are difficult to relate to, even online where communication is greatly facilitated. It makes me appreciate the people who can communicate and it makes me miss them even more if they choose to leave.

I�m worried that even if I throw down some cash for a gold membership and run some banners and get some traffic running through my blog, it�s no guarantee I will be making any meaningful contact with anyone. Sometimes I feel it�s better if I just pick up and start a totally new diary from scratch. By starting with a clean slate I�d eliminate the expectation of anyone having to read me and vice-versa and just do what I enjoy best and that is to write.

Anyway, these are just a few thoughts flailing around in my head. I guess time will tell what I�m actually going to do next. I do ask one thing, if you are one of those lurker types that that likes to voyeuristically read my blog and you have never actually tried to contact me, now would be a good time to make yourself known and say �hi� in my notes or guestbook in case I actually decide to change locations I know who to notify or it can possibly help sway me to decide to keep my current blog location. There are a few more things I wanted to blog, but I�ll save it for next time. Bye for now...