The weekend has come and gone and so has my almost 2 weeks of �spring break�. I put it in quotes because although I didn�t have to worry about any classes, I still had to go to work. Part of me feels like I should have done something fun like travel to a faraway place with a beach and some sun, having lots drinks with the tiny umbrellas and lots of rum or in it. But I suppose not having to think about attending class, doing homework or studying for an exam for a couple of weeks was a good enough of a mental getaway so I can�t really complain.

Aside from a friend of a friend�s b-day party I attended last Friday night, the last weekend was pretty low-key. The B-day was pretty cool, the lower section was reserved for the party and there was a $25 open bar until midnight, serving bottom-shelf swill. I was doing Vodka Sodas all night which provided a nice even buzz. Still, I have to question the effectiveness of my mojo while under the influence.

Don�t get me wrong, I was catching vibe from several different females and the liquor does tend to smooth me out and make me more relaxed. I noticed that as my buzz deepened, I started shifting back into my �loner mode�. This one girl even told me to stop being like �James Dean� while I was zoned out leaning against a wall and sucking on a cigarette. I don't know, I guess I was being sort of anti-social, which may have worked out beautifully for James Dean but doesn't quite work out for me. I think it�s becoming fairly obvious that if I want to catch and keep the attention of a female, then I shouldn�t drink as much as I�ve been drinking because I need a certain degree of focus.

Of course I can�t blame the liquor entirely because in the right amounts it becomes my liquid confidence as if that little voice in my head that usually tells me �no you can�t do it, so don�t even try� is suddenly randomly staggering about and just as suddenly goes face first into some wall, all passed out from the resulting concussion and booze. The main problem with liquid confidence however, is that it�s not actual confidence. It�s actually a poor substitute for real confidence because it�s unreliable and even when it does work, it eventually wears off and I�m back to being just the regular Derrick.

I don�t know, I have a theory that somewhere in the back of my head exists the smoothest motherfucker on the planet. The problem is that he never wants to come out and play except when I get buzzed. That�s not very cool. It�s becoming more and more obvious that the problem with me not being able to attract females is not necessarily how I look or dress nor my financial or educational situation. Although doing well in any those things probably doesn�t hurt, my problem lies somewhere else. The problem exists in my fucking head and I feel pretty fucking lost trying to figure out how to fix it.

Well at least I�m not lost with everything. This week is the beginning of the Spring Quarter, which means its back to school with 2 new courses. I�m noticing grad school courses isn�t as much of a breeze as my undergrad although I did have a handful of really tough undergrad courses, they were spaced out quite nicely. It looks like it�s going to be pretty intense all the way through until I manage to complete my grad degree. I�m totally looking forward to the challenge.

Still, despite the late nights working on assignments, studying and cramming for some reason it all seems much easier than for me relating to females. I used to have an easier time with that. I�m not sure what happened. I don�t know, I guess I�m just being too complicated and it�s constantly leading to my downfall in terms of females. There�s just something beautiful and Zen-like about simplicity and by moving away from that idea of simplicity I am somehow losing a grip of my inner beauty. You see, I�m doing it again by being so fucking esoteric.

Anyway, it�s about time I end all this ranting. It�s my last evening of freedom as the first of my classes starts tomorrow night and I don�t want to stay late at work just ranting all night, because you know I can do it, all night long baby. I�m still talking about ranting, so please bend over and remove your mind from the gutter. I�m kidding of course. Kthxbye *exeunt*