I�m going to try to make this a short entry, but you know how that goes. There�s quite a bit I want get off my chest but I�m kind of tired and I don�t want to spend all day typing it out. What I do want to mention are my New Year�s resolutions. The doing the dishes thing is pretty much locked, as long as I am not dead tired or hung over, it�s pretty much a reflex. Making my bed is a bit iffy, mostly because I spend half the week, during school nights staying at the downtown bachelor pad. Since it�s not officially my domain yet, I naturally clean up for myself.

My bedroom in my family�s apartment building is a different story. The setup is difficult to describe so I�ve thrown in a few pictures taken of course with my lovely K800i camera phone. The room itself is kind of a throwback from my early college years.

Aside from the posters, which admittedly make my room look like a college dorm, I try to keep my room hip and stylish. I of course fail miserably. My problem is obvious, I have way too many things and not nearly enough space to contain my stuff, so it�s just all over the place.

As for the dating resolution, I really hate to say this, but I was probably doomed from the start. Don�t get me wrong, I�m going to keep trying and maybe someday I�ll get lucky, but holding my breath would probably be not a good idea.

I guess you can only be alone for so long, because then you reach a point where you start counting the things that are wrong with you, and all those little things start adding up to the point where it feels like everything is wrong with your life and if the one thing that you think might turn your life around never actually comes around, it�s difficult to think that you life doesn�t suck.

Even worse is then you bring up the past, because even if you do so to remind you that things at this moment aren�t so bad, you either re-live those painful moments of when times were bad, or you take in that small moment of joy when times were good but get hit by that bittersweet feeling, that the moment of bliss you once felt was indeed once-upon-a-time and you can only stand there in doubt as to whether it can happen to you ever again.

Sometimes I just want to escape myself. I wish it were as easy as taking a plane to some faraway place, but I�m not even sure if that will work for me anymore. If anything, now I know why I drink. It�s no longer to have a good time, though it does on certain occasions, happen to be a welcome side-effect of inebriation. Rather it is to help me forget the pain of my past and my present. Even though I pay for it in pain the next day, sometimes it�s simply better. I�d rather suffer the physical pain of being hung over, lying down in an ever-spinning room too tired to think, than to continue thinking and feeling the things I have been feeling lately.

How am I supposed to get anyone to like me if I despise myself and what I�ve become? That�s probably too deep a question for a Friday afternoon. I do look forward to gearing up this weekend and pouring some ice-cold vodka down my throat and maybe light up a good cigar and forget about women, forget about dating and forget about all the bullshit that�s been troubling me and that is all I need to say about that. Until next time...