Quite a few things has happened. Nothing spectacular mind you, just the usual weird stuff. I guess I should just cut the bullshit and go right to the story.

I think I mentioned a few entries ago that my "dry spell" as far as sex was concerned ended when I finally wound up having sex with this woman I met from one of my classes. There was one interesting catch however. I just could not achieve an orgasm with her. We actually had sex a couple more times both unfortunately with the same result.

The last night we were in bed together, probably 30 minutes into sex I was on top of her and it seemed like she had an orgasm. Her muscles seemed to loosen up and I just wasn't feeling the same sensation when penetrating her after that.

Naturally I had a really difficult time going to sleep because though I was tired I was still a little horny since I didn't come. I lost my erection a little because the pumping away I did when I got her to come. It probably wouldn't have taken much to bring my cock back to life though. I thought to myself "Fuck, is it going to be like this all the time?" Then I realized I never had "the talk" with her about us. Really, I just felt like picking up and going home.

She saw me putting on my shirt and started asking me what was wrong. I had trouble putting the thoughts that were swimming in my hear into words so I asked her what she thought about us, about our situation. She told me honestly that she didn't know what to think of us and that she never really thought about it. I asked her if she was interested in something exclusive in terms of a relationship, she said she just wanted to play it by ear.

I made her aware of the fact that of all the times we had intercourse I never had an orgasm with her. I told her that it was bothering me. I believed that it was a combination of factors. Some of them were just a basic sexual incompatibilities like a lack of emotional feelings for each other.

I believed that part of it was that it seemed that she was uninterested in having me orgasm though I didn't think it would be right to accuse her of it. I did tell her that I thought I was getting old and that I'm "losing it" which is more or less accurate since I'm definitely not getting any younger. I guess I'm out of practice too.

I don't know, I hate to think that my best sexual experiences are somehow already behind me which doesn't give me too much to look forward to if that's the case. I'm not feeling particularly good about myself in this respect.

Another even more scary thought is that I may actually be too small in size relative to most women. I always thought of myself as average-sized at the very least. After this whole experience I'm feeling less confident about myself as well.

Where I go from here I don't really know. I mean if my basic sexual desires can't be fulfilled, how am I supposed to evolve into the more complicated feelings and emotions. I guess I just don't fucking know anymore.

*sigh*

I guess that's enough bitching for now...

I forgot to set a new page for July. Hey, I'm just learning how all this crapola works out. Anyhow I'm crossing my fingers and hoping this will work out like I planned.

Wish me luck. ;)